This week, I was at the University of Utah. (I felt slightly like a traitor with the U lanyard I had, but the EFY lanyard wasn't sturdy at all.) But that wasn't the hard part.
What did make it hard? There's no need to go into a ton of details, but I'll give the basics.
First off, I was having some personal stuff going on that wasn't very fun to deal with. So I didn't really deal with it (not super effective, either).
Secondly, I just wasn't feeling like a good counselor. I felt that way the week before on Monday, but then I got in the groove of things and felt like a decent counselor by Wednesday. This week, I felt okay on Monday, but I was feeling awful by Wednesday.
And finally, everything was compounded by the fact that I was tired from EFY the week before. I wasn't able to get the Saturday nap like I had planned, so I didn't start off super rested. And in case you didn't know, when I'm tired, I'm overly emotional. That's fun.
The whole week, I was so desperately hoping for the Thursday night payoff. At EFY, Thursday is the more "spiritual day" and Thursday night is testimony meeting. As a counselor, it's so nice to partake of the Spirit there and realize that maybe you did help to make a difference in the lives of your kids in helping them become at least a little bit closer to Christ. But Thursday was by far the hardest day for me (in fact, I had two mini-breakdowns on Thursday, one of which my BC got to witness). I truly felt like I had failed as a counselor and hadn't made an ounce of difference in anybody's life, except maybe my own.
But I really don't want this to be a downer post. I liked my counselor group and our company (Nothing Wavering, from James 1:5-6). It was fun being with the "older kids" (16-18 year olds). And I think overall, they had a good time. I definitely learned a lot from this week that I really hope I can continue to apply to my life. I know that at least I am closer to Christ and my own testimony has grown. I know that I learned some things that will help me in the future as I continue to work with youth and hopefully later on as a mother. And I think instead of the Thursday night payoff, I had the Friday night payoff. On Friday, I finally had a confirmation that I truly had done what I could and that it was now up to the kids themselves. That's one of the hardest things to realize, both at EFY and with my therapy clients. People have their agency and they are ultimately responsible for their choices.
Company picture during games night.
Co-counselors... me, Ashley, and Richard.
And now, I need to finish up my Sunday School lesson and then get to bed. (I'm still tired after my five-hour nap today.) And I need to be rested for my next week of EFY!
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