When I was really struggling in January, I knew that I needed something to look forward to. I thought a getaway to Provo could be nice, and realized that I had the President's Day holiday coming, and I also hadn't used my MLK holiday. So I made plans to leave Friday and come back Tuesday and not have to take any vacation time (which is nice, since I don't have much built up yet). And despite several things popping up that made me feel like maybe I should stay in Boise, I went to Provo anyways. And I'm really glad that I did, since I'm not sure when I'll next be able to do that.
It was so nice to be carefree for a few days. To not be bogged down with the craziness that is work. To sleep in. To see friends and family, both in Provo, as well as on my drive there and back. To go to the MOA and see an awesome exhibit called We Could Be Heroes (and absolutely loving "Snowy" from the Fallen Princesses series by Dina Goldstein). To eat yummy food and not have to worry about cooking. To go and see a BYU game (and get a picture with Cosmo).
However, when I was in Provo, I realized that Provo still felt more like home than Boise does. I'm not entirely sure why, but I realized that it may be because Boise feels temporary for some reason. Which is ridiculous. I plan on being in Boise for at least 2 years so I can get my licensure. (It would be an incredible pain to move mid-licensure... it was a pain even getting my initial license in Idaho so I could start counting my hours, even though I was already licensed in Utah). And it would be silly to stop my job after the two years, since my job is so secure. There's lots of variety and things to do and things to learn, and I have a comfortable income from it. So I'm trying hard to make Boise feel like home. I'm throwing myself into things as much as possible. I have something after work every day Monday-Thursday, and then I generally have things Friday and Saturday. And, of course, there's church and all that comes with that on Sundays. But it still feels temporary.
As I was thinking about it more though, I wondered if it maybe feels temporary because that's what I'm used to in my life. Up until this point, everything's been temporary, and I've grown to actually like the constant change. I'm actually comfortable with it. From elementary to high school, every year is different, with new classes, new teachers, new students, and new activities. I even moved with my family a several different times growing up, which brought even more change. Things became even more temporary in college, when every semester (every four months) brought more changes. Along with the new classes, new teachers, and new activities, even more changes were happening. Friends would get married or get jobs and move away. I'd move around Provo, which brought new wards, new friends, and new interactions. Or even if I stayed, others moved in and out around me. Once I graduated last year, I was still used to things being temporary, as I went from one adventure to the next, from vacation to vacation, and EFY to EFY.
But now, I'm in Boise. And there aren't any changes happening in the foreseeable future. Even though I've now been here for four months, I'm not in school anymore, so no new classes to look forward to. No new teachers. No new wards. No new jobs. No new activities. No fresh start. Part of me wishes that there were, though. I'm used to living in a temporary space. It's comfortable for me. But we're not supposed to be comfortable, are we? When we're uncomfortable, we're more likely to grow and progress. So maybe I'm now supposed to learn to not live with constant changes. This is going to be hard. But hopefully it will also stretch me and become a learning and growing experience for me.
