I was finally able to check off "Go on a date with at least 10 different boys from 10 different states." I was a bit afraid that I wasn't going to be able to do it once I moved to Boise. I had 9/10 dates in Provo, and it's a bit harder to find non-Idahoans in Boise than it was to find non-Utahans in Provo. But I got set up on a blind date this week and was rather happy to find out that the guy was from a state that I hadn't been on a date with yet. So I ended up going on a date with guys from California, Louisiana, Idaho, Oregon, Missouri, Texas, Virginia, Colorado, Utah, and Maryland. I kind of wish I had kept track of where guys I went on dates were from before my 101 list. Most of the guys I've been on dates from were from more "common" states, but I'm pretty sure that I went on a date with a guy from Alaska during my freshman year of college. I may have to go back to that journal and verify that. And then maybe create a sticker chart for it, because sticker charts are awesome and motivating. (And it's always nice to be able to get a sticker even if the date wasn't all that great.)
Yesterday, I ran the Color Me Rad race, so I was able to check off "run a 5K" from my list. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that they lied on the length. I think it was only somewhere between 2 and 2.5 miles. If you say something is a 5K, make it a 5K! But I did run the whole thing (and by run, I mean I didn't walk any of it). But since it was advertised as a 5K and I prepared for a 5K, I'm counting it. I may try to run a real one later, though. Anyways, here's a before/after picture for you amusement. (I'm a bit sad that I didn't get more color on those awesome white capris I found at Deseret Industries. I bought them specifically for the race. But now I think I'll just save them for a future tye-dye project.)Also yesterday, I finished my goal to, "Watch 50 movies I haven't seen before (recommended either by friends or critics)." (Which, if we're being honest, ended up just being watching 50 movies. Because I'm sure one of my friends or some critic somewhere liked it.) The list of movies, for those who are interested (don't judge me if you do choose to look over this list):
Spellbound; The Muppets; The Vow; Forever Strong; Paycheck; Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocal; In Time; Iron Man; Iron Man 2; Thor; Sliding Doors; Captain America; Court Jester; The Avengers; Lockout; The Three Musketeers; Mirror, Mirror; The Lucky One; Shakespeare in Love (edited); Jurassic Park; Heart and Souls; Nora’s Will (edited); Pretty Woman (edited); Snow White and the Huntsman; Total Recall; Brave; Premium Rush; Stranger than Fiction; Breaking Dawn: Part 1; Breaking Dawn: Part 2; Wreck-it Ralph; Pitch Perfect; Gulliver’s Travels; The Perks of Being a Wallflower; Get Smart; Saint; Oz; Wit; Jack the Giant Slayer; Lincoln; The Host; Torn Curtain; Persuasion; Iron Man 3; The Amazing Spiderman; The Croods: Adventures in Babysitting; Warm Bodies; 42; Oblivion.
In other news, I won stuff this week! I won a t-shirt from the Color Me Rad race because I changed my profile picture on Facebook to their logo and commented on a post and they selected me as a winner. And I got a $10 gift card in the mail to Google Play for a Samsung contest that I forgot that I entered. Score.
I was also feeling liked I needed a change, so I did a slight makeover. And by makeover, I mean I got a haircut. (And they added a gloss that was supposed to make my hair look richer... I don't know if I can tell a difference on that part.) It ended up being shorter than I expected (I always seem to forget how much my hair naturally curls up), and I'm still adjusting to it. But I think I like it. The picture on the left was how I looked when I left the salon. The picture on the right was of me today, without having styled my hair at all. Which, if we're being honest, is how I'll be looking most of the time. I think I like this particular cut better when it's straight, but I don't own a straightener. Or a curling iron, for that matter. And if we're being completely honest, I don't have the sort of motivation, time, and energy to style my hair. (Because in the war between hair and sleep, sleep always wins.)
And I guess it's time to get a bit more real. Sundays are hard for me. Probably one my least favorite days of the week. Which is ridiculous, because Sundays are supposed to be wonderful and restful and uplifting. But I've overall really struggled with Sundays since coming to Boise. On top of just knowing that the weekend is almost over and that I have to go back to work the next day, I miss my ward and friends in Provo. I feel so much pressure from my calling whenever I go to church. I feel disconnected. I don't always feel the Spirit. More often than not, I seem to have to force myself to go to church and then force myself to stay. I know I need to change my attitude and do some things differently, but it is hard, especially when Boise does still feel temporary for some reason. But there were some tender mercies today. Like the girl sitting next to me in Sacrament meeting asking to borrow my program, and giving it back to me with a sweet note telling me I was beautiful. That did lift my spirit for a bit. But by the time I went to the chapel for the The Work of Salvation: Worldwide Leadership Training Broadcast (again, forcing myself to stay), I was feeling down. That feeling only intensified when they kept talking about missions and showing the MTC choir and video clips showing full-time missionaries. When I was making the decision last summer about what to do in my life, for the first time ever, I considered serving a full-time mission. I even met with my bishop to discuss starting my papers. But I wasn't getting a feeling like it was definitely what I should do and I decided to pursue starting my career instead. Shortly thereafter, things fell into place for my job and the move to Boise. I've been very blessed. But two days after I made the decision to take the job, move, and start my career, the historic announcement to lower the missionary age came. Missionary work started being on everybody's minds. But I moved forward with my decision. There have been many times since then that I wondered if I made the right choice. Besides just wondering if I should have stayed in Provo and taken the other job I was offered, I also kept wondering if I should I have chosen to serve a mission. This feeling has only intensified as I read updates from my friends on missions every week, see my friends home from their missions talk to their investigators on Facebook and hear stories about how their missions has blessed their lives, listen to talks about missionaries in General Conference, and then this broadcast. I was really wondering if I made a mistake in deciding to stay. Am I being selfish in choosing to not go? And, to be honest, I sometimes feel a bit of social pressure like I should have gone. Not coming from the church itself... they've made it very clear that it's up to the individual sister. But with I almost feel like there's some peer pressure from all the girls going and from the guys who now seem to expect girls to serve missions. Maybe that's all in my head, but sometimes it does seem like the sisters going on missions look down on those of us who haven chosen differently. And on some dates, I've been asked if I served a mission and the implied response seems to be a judgmental, "Why not?" when I tell them I haven't. I do worry about my future children not getting as much as they can from me because I didn't have the experience of serving a mission. I even worry about myself not growing the way that I should... I know how much I learned and grew from being an EFY counselor last summer. That was like a mini-mission in a way. A mission would be that times a thousand and I could only see it blessing me and my future family and whoever I come in contact with. I know those aren't great reasons to serve a mission, but that's how I was feeling for the first half hour or so of the broadcast. But then, they had an amazing musical number with a video attached. Click here to see the broadcast, and the song/video starts around 37:45 or so. For those of you who choose not to watch it (though you really should), it's a choir singing, "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go." Which is traditionally, a missionary song, at least in my mind. But the video depicted a family going about in their daily lives, touching those around them and being member missionaries in their own way.
That video was an answer to a prayer I didn't even realize I had. And I know I will likely still have some doubts about whether I'm supposed to be here. (I seem to have doubts a lot... I'm trying to replace my fear with faith, though. It's a work in progress.) But for now, for me, the call to "Go Where You Want Me to Go" is more like "I'll Stay Where You Want Me to Stay." I need to bloom where I'm planted. I'm in Boise for a reason and I need to make the most of it and touch the lives of those I meet here, and not wonder "what if." I'm trying to stay close to the Lord and if I do, He will not lead me astray.
