Another Testimony

I bore my testimony in church today. That's a pretty rare occurrence for me. I'm not even sure the last time I did that. I don't think I've done it since moving to Boise. And if that's correct, it looks like the last time I bore my testimony in Sacrament Meeting was June 2012 (I know that because I blogged about it). Oops. I really should do that more often.

I wasn't planning on bearing my testimony today. But the past couple of days, I've been reading some old journals and blog posts that got me thinking and pondering. As I was reading some more blog posts during Sacrament Meeting, I felt prompted to get up and share my own testimony about what I was learning. And while I don't remember exactly what I said, I feel like I need to share the basic gist on here, as well.

While looking through old journal entries and blog posts this week, I came to an interesting insight. I was looking at a time period that I remember being good. Sure, I remember that there were a few hard things going on, but mostly, I remember it being good. But as I looked back and actually read through what I was thinking and feeling, I realized that I was wrong. In my mind at that time, it was the complete opposite of how I remember it now. Sure, there were good moments and tender mercies, but overall, it was TERRIBLE. I was so stressed and overwhelmed, and most of all, I was SO bitter and angry at myself and at God. I hated myself and what I was going through. I didn't think I could continue on. And the hardest thing was that I didn't understand how I could be going through such hard difficulties and didn't understand why God would be doing this to me. I felt lost, hurt, and abandoned.

That was a little shocking for me to see. (I guess that's partly the importance of writing in a journal so you can look back at these times and truly remember.) But what was interesting to me now, is being able to see how things had turned out. If I hadn't had certain trials or experiences that were so difficult at the time, I wouldn't be where I am today. Heavenly Father was able to use those experiences to help me to become more like Him. And now, with the perspective that I have, I can be grateful for them. And I can be grateful for recording them so I can see my growth. And now I can rely on past experiences and my past testimony to continue to strengthen me during the hard times I am experiencing and will continue to experience.

I know that we have a loving Heavenly Father. I know that He cares and would do anything for us. We've just got to turn and let Him help. He is there. I know He lives. I know He sent His Son so that He can succor us in our times of need. His love for us is unconditional and incomprehensible. I KNOW. And I will continue to cling to that knowledge for the rest of my life, living in a way so that when I return to Him, He will say, "Well, done, thou good and faithful servant...enter thou into the joy of thy lord."