Birthday!

I turned 24 yesterday.  Weird.  But it was seriously a fantastic day.  

I drove down to Brigham City after work on Wednesday to stay at my grandparents' house.  My mom and Jenna were already there, so that was great.  I was pretty tired, but didn't sleep the best, which was unfortunate.  But my mom made me a delicious breakfast in bed, which was awesome.  (It was always tradition growing up that you'd get breakfast in bed on your birthday.  But I haven't had that since I was a senior in high school, as I've never been home on my birthday.)  I had some of my grandma's fresh peaches from her garden, biscuits with sausage gravy, bacon, and German pancakes.  Delicious.

Jenna and I then went to both the Bountiful and Salt Lake temples to do baptisms.  I had never been to the Bountiful temple before, so that was cool.  The baptistry reminded me a lot of the baptistry at Mount Timpanogas.  (Which made more sense later, when I found out they were dedicated only about a year and a half apart.)  And I'd done baptisms in the Salt Lake temple once before, but I love it.  Such a beautiful and unique baptistry.  After doing baptisms in those two temples, Jenna and I stopped at the Meds in Motion pharmacy in Salt Lake that my dad is co-owner of my and cousin in the pharmacist.  Got to see my mom, dad, and a couple of cousins there.  (If you're in the area and need a great pharmacy, use them!  They're awesome!)  Jenna and I split a Firehouse Sub for lunch, as you apparently get a free one on your birthday if you show an ID.  Sweet.  

After that, Jenna and I got mani/pedis.  For her birthday back in March, I said I'd treat her to one and this was the first time I've seen her since then, so we did that.  It was fun.  Then we hung out at my old apartment briefly.  

Then we went to Tucano's as a family for dinner, which was wonderful.  It was the first time we'd been together as an entire immediate family since Christmas, and the first time the whole immediate family has been together on my birthday in 9 years, so that was great.  And, of course, the food was delicious.  The waiters were fantastic, too.  

We hung out at Mike's briefly, then Jenna and I went to the Provo temple and did baptisms there with our cousin Lee.  It was very neat for me to go and do baptisms one more time in the Provo baptistry on a Thursday night.  Four of "my" temple workers were still there, working that shift (there has been a lot of change in the workers in the past 10 months), and it was nice catching up with them.  Two of them are even going to try and come to the temple for when I receive my endowment today.

After baptisms, I opened presents and spent more time with family.  And my cousin Danielle had made a chocolate pecan pie that she shared.  (Are you seeing the theme of delicious food on my birthday?  Because there totally was one.)

And I can't forget about the inundation of birthday wishes from dear family and friends throughout the day.  I feel so loved.

As I said in my Facebook status update (yes, I am about to quote myself), "If birthdays are any indication of how good the next year is going to be, I'm about to have my best year yet!"  I seriously hope that is true.  :-)

Washington D.C. Trip

One thing I love about being a young single adult is being a lot more free to travel.  I don't have a ton of vacation time, but I am starting to make some money... and I like spending my money on experiences (like travel and entertainment).  I've always wanted to go to Washington D.C. (I even put it on my 101 list), and I realized that if I wanted to pull it off, I might as well do it over a holiday, so I wouldn't have to use as much vacation time.  One of my friends (Sarah June) now lives in D.C. and it worked out perfectly to go and visit her over Independence Day.  I took 3 days off work and was gone for 6 days, thanks to the holiday and the weekend.  (And side note... I finished my month of no eating out for my 101 list just in time for the trip.  Good plan, self.)  And this is the highlights of the fantastic trip.

Tuesday
I left work a bit early to head to the airport.  My flight was delayed, but I was still able to make my connection in Denver because that flight was also delayed.  I got into Dulles rather late, but Sarah June picked me up and we had a happy reunion.  She took me to her cute townhouse and we collapsed.

Wednesday

Sarah June woke me up and said that we could go to baptisms at the Washington D.C. Temple (something we had mentioned the night before), but we had to leave in 20 minutes.  We got ready fast.  We got to the temple and it was stunning.  I've seen pictures, but they certainly don't do it justice (in my opinion).  And it was really neat, because they aren't using the separate baptismal entrance, so we got to walk by a lot of other parts of the temple, including a beautiful mural of the Second Coming.  We met up with Sarah June's friend, Lexie.  I got to do a few family names (1 from Sarah June's family, and 2 from Lexie's family), as well as some temple names.  After we did the baptisms and confirmations, Sarah June and I quickly took some pictures outside, and went to the visitor's center, where we changed out of our church dress.  We headed straight to the Capitol, where we got a basically private tour, because I had requested tickets through my Representative, so Sarah June and I got a private tour with the intern.  I was glad not to feel like I was being herded, like I saw with other big tour groups.  The tour was neat, and we even got a free ticket to sit in the Senate chamber.

After the Capitol, we went to the Air and Space Museum, which was really cool.  For dinner, we ate at the cafe at the National Museum of the American Indian and it was delicious.  Then we went to a dress rehearsal of A Capitol Fourth.  Sarah June's cousin (Marcus) joined us.  We had a really good spot (very far back, but it was up on a ledge, and we could see the stage still), but then they made us move to a spot where we couldn't really see the stage.  But they did have JumboTrons and we could hear great.  It was fun to do that and not have to go when it is insanely crowded on the Fourth.

Thursday

Slept in longer than we planned, but it was quite necessary.  We parked at the Pentagon and took the Metro to the parade to see Sarah June's cousin (Russ) and his wife (Kaela) dancing in the parade with their swing group.  But we ended up missing them, which was disappointing.  We stayed for a bit, but then we ended up hitting the Old Post Office, The Smithsonian Castle, the Folklife Festival (where we got some Indian food for lunch), The Museum of Natural History, National Museum of American History, the Washington Monument, and the Jefferson Memorial.  We hung out with some of Sarah June's family at the Jefferson for a few hours before watching the fireworks from there.

Friday
Got up early and headed downtown to take a DC Ducks tour.  As we waited for our tour, we saw the outside of the National Postal Museum (they weren't open for tours yet) and checked out the Memorial to Japanese-American Patriotism in World War II. (Quite the mouthful.)  The memorial was powerful in the symbolism.  Then we went on the duck tour, on our vehicle named "Lucky Duck."  Our boat wasn't all the way full, so we got to spread out a bit, which was nice.  The tour was awesome and it was nice to see a lot of the highlights in a really fun way.  We even got to go out on the Potomac and see tons of planes fly into the Reagan Airport and I got to briefly steer it when we were on the Potomac.  After the duck tour, we went to the Supreme Court and Library of Congress.  The Library of Congress was an absolutely stunning building.  I'd figure out a way to get a Library card if I lived in the area so I could explore it more thoroughly.  (They also have the best gift shop, in my opinion... though they didn't have any smashed pennies,which was a letdown.)  For lunch, we went to Busboys and Poets, which was yummy and had a fun vibe.  Then we went to Mount Vernon, which was way better than I expected.  We had to rush through the museum so we could get to our tour, and we were literally the last people through the house for the tour.  And that meant we shut the whole place down and didn't get to explore the rest of the grounds like we would have liked.  But it was seriously beautiful.  If I lived in the area, I would get a year pass and go all the time.  And I have SO much more respect for the Washingtons after that.  And I think I had a decent amount of respect to begin with.  For dinner, I was able to meet up with some friends from sophomore year (Liz and Rachel).  I haven't seen for a few years due to them going on missions and whatnot, so it was good catching up with them.

Saturday
Sarah June had errands to run, so I explored DC a bit on my own.  I went to the National Archives and looked through the exhibits, and also waited in line to see the documents in the Rotunda (The Declaration of Independence, the Constitution of the United States, and the Bill of Rights).  And I got to see one of the originals of the Magna Carta. It was so cool to see these pieces of history.  After that, I met up with Rachel and we stopped by the Ford Theater and I got a picture, but I didn't have tickets, so we kept walking.  We ended up at the American Art Museum and Portrait Gallery and saw some exhibits there.  Then Rachel left and I went over to the Hirshhorn and explored a bit on my own.  But I was exhausted and then went back to Sarah June's, where I relaxed a bit.  Then we had pizza and went to a YSA party.

Sunday
Slept in, as Sarah June's ward didn't meet until 11:30am.  That was lovely.  The ward (which, by the way, is probably the biggest YSA ward I've ever seen) meets in an old office building that has been renovated to be a church.  Definitely a very unique church building.  I was able to spend a bit more time with Rachel, since she's also in Sarah June's ward.  And I was able to see two other friends from Provo who are also randomly in that ward.  That was fun.  I saw Chris (a guy I was an RA with) and Sarah (a girl who was on my floor when I was an RA).  They're both out in DC working.  I love random reunions!

After church, we went to Arlington National Cemetery.  It was ridiculously hot and humid, which was rough. But the cemetery was so incredibly peaceful. We got to see the Women in Military exhibit, JFK's grave, and watch the changing of the guard at The Tomb of the Unknowns.  The amount of gravestones was actually quite astounding.  I've seen pictures before, but I didn't fully understand how HUGE it was until I saw it in person.  Sarah June and I rested at home for a bit and had some great conversations because the humidity really took it out of us. Then, as it was getting dark, a few of us met up with Russ and Kaela.  Kaela used to be a volunteer park ranger, and she knows lots of cool facts about the monuments and the history behind them.  We went to FDR, MLK, Vietnam, Lincoln, Korea, 56 Signers, and WWII.  It was so cool seeing them at night with our own personal tour guide.

Monday
Sarah June dropped me off at the Metro before she headed off to work.  I met up with Russ, and he stored my luggage as I explored DC a bit more.  I wandered over to the White House so I could get a picture by it (they aren't currently doing tours)  I continued on to the Ford's Theatre and The Petersen House (where Lincoln died).  I then went back to the Holocaust Museum.  After that, I went to the Washington Monument to get a few more stamps in my National Parks Passport from the monuments that I saw on Sunday.  I reunited with Russ and got my luggage, hopped on the Metro, and got to the airport.  (Hooray for easy-to-navigate mass transit that I feel so sophisticated when I use!)  And then got to the airport and my flight was delayed, so I did some work things and played around on the rather slow internet.  I landed in Boise around midnight and got to bed rather late, so I was definitely tired at work the next day.

I still feel tired from my trip and it's been a bit hard to get back in the groove of work, but D.C. was truly a great vacation and just good for my soul.  The whole time I was in D.C., I told myself I could never live there because of the high cost of living and the crowds, but maybe I could.  I already find myself missing it and I'd definitely love to visit again.  And who knows what the future could bring...?  :-)

Dates, 5K, Movies, and Other Updates

I feel like this blog has just become my 101 list update blog.  And you pretty much only get an update once a month.  Sorry if that's getting boring.  But here we go anyways.

I was finally able to check off "Go on a date with at least 10 different boys from 10 different states." I was a bit afraid that I wasn't going to be able to do it once I moved to Boise.  I had 9/10 dates in Provo, and it's a bit harder to find non-Idahoans in Boise than it was to find non-Utahans in Provo. But I got set up on a blind date this week and was rather happy to find out that the guy was from a state that I hadn't been on a date with yet.  So I ended up going on a date with guys from California, Louisiana, Idaho, Oregon, Missouri, Texas, Virginia, Colorado, Utah, and Maryland.  I kind of wish I had kept track of where guys I went on dates were from before my 101 list.  Most of the guys I've been on dates from were from more "common" states, but I'm pretty sure that I went on a date with a guy from Alaska during my freshman year of college.  I may have to go back to that journal and verify that.  And then maybe create a sticker chart for it, because sticker charts are awesome and motivating.  (And it's always nice to be able to get a sticker even if the date wasn't all that great.)

Yesterday, I ran the Color Me Rad race, so I was able to check off "run a 5K" from my list. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that they lied on the length.  I think it was only somewhere between 2 and 2.5 miles.  If you say something is a 5K, make it a 5K!  But I did run the whole thing (and by run, I mean I didn't walk any of it).  But since it was advertised as a 5K and I prepared for a 5K, I'm counting it.  I may try to run a real one later, though. Anyways, here's a before/after picture for you amusement.  (I'm a bit sad that I didn't get more color on those awesome white capris I found at Deseret Industries.  I bought them specifically for the race.  But now I think I'll just save them for a future tye-dye project.)

Also yesterday, I finished my goal to, "Watch 50 movies I haven't seen before (recommended either by friends or critics)."  (Which, if we're being honest, ended up just being watching 50 movies.  Because I'm sure one of my friends or some critic somewhere liked it.)  The list of movies, for those who are interested (don't judge me if you do choose to look over this list):
Spellbound; The Muppets; The Vow; Forever Strong; Paycheck; Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocal; In Time; Iron Man; Iron Man 2; Thor; Sliding Doors; Captain America; Court Jester; The Avengers; Lockout; The Three Musketeers; Mirror, Mirror; The Lucky One; Shakespeare in Love (edited); Jurassic Park; Heart and Souls; Nora’s Will (edited); Pretty Woman (edited); Snow White and the Huntsman; Total Recall; Brave; Premium Rush; Stranger than Fiction; Breaking Dawn: Part 1; Breaking Dawn: Part 2; Wreck-it Ralph; Pitch Perfect; Gulliver’s Travels; The Perks of Being a Wallflower; Get Smart; Saint; Oz; Wit; Jack the Giant Slayer; Lincoln; The Host; Torn Curtain; Persuasion; Iron Man 3; The Amazing Spiderman; The Croods: Adventures in Babysitting; Warm Bodies; 42; Oblivion.

In other news, I won stuff this week!  I won a t-shirt from the Color Me Rad race because I changed my profile picture on Facebook to their logo and commented on a post and they selected me as a winner.  And I got a $10 gift card in the mail to Google Play for a Samsung contest that I forgot that I entered.  Score.

I was also feeling liked I needed a change, so I did a slight makeover. And by makeover, I mean I got a haircut.  (And they added a gloss that was supposed to make my hair look richer... I don't know if I can tell a difference on that part.) It ended up being shorter than I expected (I always seem to forget how much my hair naturally curls up), and I'm still adjusting to it.  But I think I like it.  The picture on the left was how I looked when I left the salon.  The picture on the right was of me today, without having styled my hair at all.  Which, if we're being honest, is how I'll be looking most of the time.  I think I like this particular cut better when it's straight, but I don't own a straightener.  Or a curling iron, for that matter.  And if we're being completely honest, I don't have the sort of motivation, time, and energy to style my hair.  (Because in the war between hair and sleep, sleep always wins.)

And I guess it's time to get a bit more real.  Sundays are hard for me.  Probably one my least favorite days of the week.  Which is ridiculous, because Sundays are supposed to be wonderful and restful and uplifting.  But I've overall really struggled with Sundays since coming to Boise.  On top of just knowing that the weekend is almost over and that I have to go back to work the next day, I miss my ward and friends in Provo.  I feel so much pressure from my calling whenever I go to church.  I feel disconnected.  I don't always feel the Spirit.  More often than not, I seem to have to force myself to go to church and then force myself to stay.  I know I need to change my attitude and do some things differently, but it is hard, especially when Boise does still feel temporary for some reason.  But there were some tender mercies today.  Like the girl sitting next to me in Sacrament meeting asking to borrow my program, and giving it back to me with a sweet note telling me I was beautiful.  That did lift my spirit for a bit.  But by the time I went to the chapel for the The Work of Salvation: Worldwide Leadership Training Broadcast (again, forcing myself to stay), I was feeling down. That feeling only intensified when they kept talking about missions and showing the MTC choir and video clips showing full-time missionaries.  When I was making the decision last summer about what to do in my life, for the first time ever, I considered serving a full-time mission.  I even met with my bishop to discuss starting my papers.  But I wasn't getting a feeling like it was definitely what I should do and I decided to pursue starting my career instead. Shortly thereafter, things fell into place for my job and the move to Boise.  I've been very blessed. But two days after I made the decision to take the job, move, and start my career, the historic announcement to lower the missionary age came.  Missionary work started being on everybody's minds.  But I moved forward with my decision.  There have been many times since then that I wondered if I made the right choice.  Besides just wondering if I should have stayed in Provo and taken the other job I was offered, I also kept wondering if I should I have chosen to serve a mission. This feeling has only intensified as I read updates from my friends on missions every week, see my friends home from their missions talk to their investigators on Facebook and hear stories about how their missions has blessed their lives, listen to talks about missionaries in General Conference, and then this broadcast.  I was really wondering if I made a mistake in deciding to stay.  Am I being selfish in choosing to not go?  And, to be honest, I sometimes feel a bit of social pressure like I should have gone.  Not coming from the church itself... they've made it very clear that it's up to the individual sister.  But with I almost feel like there's some peer pressure from all the girls going and from the guys who now seem to expect girls to serve missions.  Maybe that's all in my head, but sometimes it does seem like the sisters going on missions look down on those of us who haven chosen differently.  And on some dates, I've been asked if I served a mission and the implied response seems to be a judgmental, "Why not?" when I tell them I haven't.  I do worry about my future children not getting as much as they can from me because I didn't have the experience of serving a mission.  I even worry about myself not growing the way that I should... I know how much I learned and grew from being an EFY counselor last summer.  That was like a mini-mission in a way.  A mission would be that times a thousand and I could only see it blessing me and my future family and whoever I come in contact with.  I know those aren't great reasons to serve a mission, but that's how I was feeling for the first half hour or so of the broadcast.  But then, they had an amazing musical number with a video attached.  Click here to see the broadcast, and the song/video starts around 37:45 or so.  For those of you who choose not to watch it (though you really should), it's a choir singing, "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go."  Which is traditionally, a missionary song, at least in my mind.  But the video depicted a family going about in their daily lives, touching those around them and being member missionaries in their own way.  

That video was an answer to a prayer I didn't even realize I had.  And I know I will likely still have some doubts about whether I'm supposed to be here.  (I seem to have doubts a lot... I'm trying to replace my fear with faith, though.  It's a work in progress.)  But for now, for me, the call to "Go Where You Want Me to Go" is more like "I'll Stay Where You Want Me to Stay."  I need to bloom where I'm planted.  I'm in Boise for a reason and I need to make the most of it and touch the lives of those I meet here, and not wonder "what if."  I'm trying to stay close to the Lord and if I do, He will not lead me astray.

A month of weekend travels

One of my 101 List goals was to "Travel somewhere every weekend for a month."  I just finished my month of weekend travels.

The first weekend, I met my roommate (Karen) at a campsite just past Idaho City in the Boise National Forest to spend the night.  It was beautiful and we were right by the Payette River.  Got there just in time for dinner.  Just hung out and read for most of the evening.  Then we had breakfast the next morning before I headed back to Boise, and Karen continued to explore the area.

The next weekend, Karen and I went to visit her aunt and uncle in Gooding and spent Friday night with them.  The next day, we visited Little City of the Rocks and Hagerman Fossil Beds.  The Little City of the Rocks was quite pretty and it was fun exploring.  The Hagerman Fossil Beds was a bit disappointing, but at least I got a stamp in my National Parks Passport!

The third weekend of adventures took a big group of us to the Oregon Coast for Memorial Day weekend, where we stayed in a house that Karen's extended family owns.  I've never been to the Oregon Coast before and it was absolutely beautiful and so peaceful.    I already want to go back.  The weekend was full spending time with friends (old and new), laughing, visiting fun places, eating, and reading.  We went to the beach multiple times (including going tidepooling early one morning), visited the Lewis and Clark National Historical Park, Salt Works, and the Tillamook Cheese factory, went to cute little shops in little beach towns, toured a lighthouse, went on some hikes, played games, and just hung out.  Such a great weekend.  I miss it.  Visiting there, even for a weekend, was the first time that I thought that maybe I'd be able to live in a rural place... just because it was so beautiful.  My pictures certainly don't do it justice.

And this weekend (the final weekend), Karen and another friend and I headed to Craters of the Moon, where we met up with one of Karen's co-workers and that co-worker's parents.  We camped Friday night and then explored Saturday morning.  We hung out and relaxed Saturday afternoon (I got quite a bit of reading done), before heading to Gooding to spend the night with Karen's aunt and uncle.  

It's definitely been quite the month of fun and adventures.  It's been fun to have things to look forward to on the weekends.  It helps me get through some of the harder days at work.  It's also helped me to realize how much longer weekends seem to last when you are actually doing things.  (They seem to go by much faster when you wake up at 11am and then read or watch TV for the majority of the day.)  I'm excited to have a few relaxing weekends coming up, though I am definitely planning on going on some more adventures soon.

Photo a day for a month- Boise temple

For my 101 list, I made the goal to do the photo challenge of taking a photo every day for a month.  I ended up doing that during the month of April.  As I started to do it, I decided to take a picture of the Boise temple every day for the month.  I accomplished it!  I took pictures from lots of different angles and perspectives, as well as at different times of day.  And as I wandered the grounds each day to figure out where to take my picture, it was so neat to feel the Spirit there constantly.  (Fantastic side benefit of the photo challenge... I highly recommend it.)

After I finished the challenge, I made a little collage where I took every photo (or two) that I took each day and I placed them in order that I took them.  It was a very fun project.

And after I made that, I decided to make another collage, but this time highlighting some of my favorite pictures out of the ones that I took.  After taking forever to arrange them, I ended up with a blank space that I figured I could fill with a quote relating to temples.  There were a lot of awesome quotes to choose from and it was a hard decision.  I finally did pick one, and you can see it on the completed collage below.

I ended up picking that specific quote because I could so completely relate.  It comes from a great talk given by Elder Stevenson in General Conference in April 2009.  I've identified with that quote a lot lately.  Being new to Boise (and still getting lost more often than I'd like to admit), it's been so nice to know that I'm close to home when I can see the temple.  I especially remember one time that I went running around the neighborhood and I wasn't sure where I was.  (The streets in my neighborhood truly don't make much sense.)  But then I saw the temple and was able to find my way home quickly and easily.  That analogy fits perfectly in to our lives.  When we go to the temple, we can find so much peace and direction that we would truly be eternally lost without, and it makes it so that we can return home to live with our Heavenly Father.  I love the temple so much.  I love going to participate in baptisms and confirmations every week and it makes me so sad that I won't be able to go the next two weeks, as it's closed for scheduled maintenance   (At least I can still see it every day!)  But I am so grateful for the peace and direction I am able to receive in the temple and I'm so looking forward to receiving my endowment later this year.  I feel so blessed to a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and to know that this life is not the end to family ties, thanks to the ordinances performed in these holy houses of God.

I'm not really sure how to wrap this post up, since I feel like there is still so much I can testify of and share.  I have a whole list of quotes and scriptures that I love about the temple and maybe I'll have to share those later.  But I'll just end with the other quote I almost used for my collage... "Let us truly be a temple-attending and a temple-loving people." --President Howard W. Hunter

In which my 101 list breaks up the craziness of life

Life has been crazy lately. Being on a salary means there's always more work to do, so I've been putting in more than 40 hours a week, especially with all that's currently going on there. It can be draining. And I'm still adjusting to not being in school, which probably sounds a bit weird. But seriously... I've been a student all my life until a year ago. It's hard to get that out of my system. It's harder than I thought it would be to not have breaks between semesters to look forward to. Or projects that can be turned in, done with, and then forgotten about. At work, there's no final thing to cross off. There's always more to do and always more people to help. Which is great, but also difficult, especially when all my friends in school are finishing up the semester right now and heading off to their great and marvelous summer plans. I don't have semesters to break things up and I don't have a ton of time off to do great summer plans. So in order to break things up, my roommate and friends and I do stuff on the weekends, which is great. But I've also continued to work on things on my 101 list. In the last few months, I've been able cross off four more things of my list. I...

Joined a bowling league. It was awesome. I improved overall during the course of the season (though my high score was 2 points shy of my goal of hitting 150), and our team somehow ended up winning (thanks to our handicap). Plus, the league we joined was a pizza night league, so we got three games and a pizza to share every week for 10 weeks. I highly recommend it. We'll likely do it again next year.

Read my patriarchal blessing every day for a month. It definitely provided some interesting insight, perspective, and comfort.

Read scriptures every day for at least 30 minutes for a month. That was a bit challenging with how much I had going on, but it brought blessings. However, I wasn't able to keep it up after the month was over and I definitely need to get back into making it more of a habit.

Made 25 new recipes. Some were great, some were duds. Luckily, the majority of them were pretty great and some made it into the regular rotation (which is probably one of the reasons it took so long to complete that goal).

And there are definitely more goals that I am working on. I signed up for a 5K (eek!), booked a trip to Washington DC, am taking a picture of the temple every day for a month, and am getting close to finishing watching 50 movies, among other things. There shall be more updates in the future about these and other goals in the future, I'm sure.

Two Years

Two years.

TWO YEARS.

So much can happen in two years. But a lot can also stay the same. It's something I've been thinking about a lot lately, but today especially.

I pulled out my journal from two years ago. (3 journals ago... yes, I journal a lot. Don't judge.) I knew generals of what was going on two years ago. But exactly two years ago today, I was sitting in my psychopathology class and had to excuse myself because I got way too lightheaded as we were discussing eating disorders. My lightheadness around medical subjects still hasn't changed much, as evidenced by the fact that I had to tell my roommate tonight at dinner to stop talking about this surgery prep she had to do with some conjoined twins a while ago.

Two years ago today, I wrote missionaries for a family home evening activity. I currently have a list of missionaries that I haven't written a letter to and am feeling guilty about that. I've just been so busy and exhausted. (Hopefully I'll get to it this Sunday?) I swear this missionary letter-writing business is never ending. I've seriously been writing missionaries since I was 16 or 17... this is never going to end because as soon as some people come back, more leave!

Two years ago today, I wore a piece of jewelry that meant nothing to anyone but to me, except hope that something might work out with a certain guy. Today, I wore a different piece of jewelry (that still doesn't mean something to anyone but me) as a symbol of moving on.

But in more general terms... Two years ago, I was finishing up my second semester of grad school. I remember being excited, but actually looking back at my journal, I apparently was stressed, overwhelmed, and exhausted. So many assignments and papers and finals. I felt like I couldn't do it all. And it was hitting me that I was going to have real clients soon. Real people that I was supposed to help with my limited training and understanding. That felt like a huge responsibility. But I know I was at least sort of excited, since I was looking forward to my third semester, where I was going to do a full-time internship in what I thought was my dream agency. A few weeks later, I found out that I was pulled from that agency and put in an internship in a place I didn't want to be. I hadn't even ranked it on my list of 10 options I'd be happy with. But that summer was absolutely amazing. I loved my internship more than I ever could have hoped. It opened my eyes to so many different forms of social work that I ended up adoring. I learned so much about being a good therapist that I still am able to use in my work today. Also, since the internship was more local, I had more free time to develop relationships with people who became some of my closest friends.

Two years ago, I was living in yet another apartment in Provo with some girls that I hadn't known before I moved in. I became decent friends with one, but really struggled with the other. Little did I know that a few months later I'd take the leap and move in with girls that I actually knew before I moved in with them. I had never done that before. I was scared. I had heard horror stories about friendships being destroyed once people became roommates. I didn't want that to happen. But it didn't. It strengthened our friendships and I learned so much about myself. And, honestly, I really don't know if I would have survived that next year without them.

So, based on my past experiences, I should know that everything will work out better than I planned. If I had gotten the internship I actually wanted, or not moved in with those girls I already knew, I wouldn't have wonderful memories that I now treasure. And I wouldn't have grown and stretched and had the experiences I needed to have to be who I need to be.

But for some reason, that's hard for me to really internalize and process right now. I've been in Boise for 5 months, and I would think by now it would be easier. And in some ways, it is. But this week has been SO hard. Seeing some of my family last weekend didn't help that fact... It's always hard to get back into the groove after being away from Boise, even if it's just for a day or two. It's also hard because I saw two jobs in Provo that I easily could have applied for. And I almost did. But at the same time, that seems so silly to me. I know I'm supposed to be in Boise. I felt so much peace when I decided to move here, when I couldn't feel that way about staying in Provo. But it's getting harder and harder for me to keep holding on to that. I've been constantly reviewing two talks by Elder Holland--"Cast Not Away Therefore Your Confidence" and "Remember Lot's Wife." I love what they say, but I can't seem to internalize them. I'm having such a hard time not letting go of the spiritual confirmation I had to come here, when I'm still struggling being here. And I know I keep looking longingly at the past instead of looking with faith towards the future, but it's hard for me right now, even though I've seen SO many examples from my own life of it all working out like it should.

But I'll keep pushing forward. I am supposed to be here, even though I still don't get why. (I am trying to figure it out, though... I'm even working on creating a list of reasons why I'm here and then that can be a strength if I continue to struggle. Suggestions of things to add to the list are welcome.) I know that Heavenly Father desires my happiness and He knows better than I do what will make me happy. And apparently, part of that plan for my happiness and progression is to be in Boise right now, working where I'm working, living in the house that I am, and attending the singles ward I live in. I'll keep pushing forward and remember that I am not alone in this. Christ has descended below all things so that He can succor me in my times of need. I will continue to cling to that and keep moving forward and trust in the good things to come. (I know that's the second time I've linked to that talk in just a few blog posts. And yes, I am aware that I love Elder Holland's talks. Don't judge. You should love them, too.)