2014, by the numbers

The numbers from this year are a bit different than the past couple of years, but fun to look at all the same.

Traveling:
Miles driven in my car: 17115
States lived in: 1
States lived in/been in: 6
Countries visited/lived in: 1
Round-trip plane trips: 1
Amusement parks visited: 0
Times to Utah: 7

Work: 
Jobs held: 1
Hours worked counted towards licensure: 1967
CEUs completed: 26.5
Bosses had: 2

Personal:
Dates went on: 1
Books read: 59
Places lived in: 3
Wards member of: 2
Roommates had: 2
Pets lived with: 4
Cars driven: 1
Car windshields replaced: 1
Journals written in: 2
Blogs posted: 18
Friends on Facebook: 456
Sleep studies completed: 1
CPAP masks tried: 3

Entertainment:
Restaurants visited: 103
Times went out/ordered from restaurants: 147
Movies watched: 47
Plays/musicals attended: 2
Concerts attended: 3
Live comedy shows attended: 1

Spiritual/church:
Callings held: 3 (4, including visiting teacher)
Blessings (including setting aparts) received: 10
Temples/temple grounds visited: 7
Number of initiatories completed: 146
Number of endowments completed: 25
Live sealings attended: 2

101 List:
101 list goals completed: 17
Novels written: 1

Lives touched: ?

But these numbers certainly can't capture what was this year was. It's interesting to compare my "Year According to Facebook Statuses" post to this one. I think I try really hard to be positive on Facebook, and try to not post very many "downer" statuses. And I guess I kind of do the same things with my blog sometimes...try to focus on the happier things, and gloss over some of the harder things. My journal is where I really record more of the bad. On this blog (and on this blog post), it's probably hard to tell how hard this year was (though the 10 blessings I received could be an indication of that). But it was a really crazy year, full of things that I never would have expected, both good and bad. I do have many fond memories of 2014, but also lots that I am ready to leave behind. I am very interested to see what 2015 brings.

My Year in Facebook Statuses- 2014 Edition

It's becoming tradition. Another "my life according to Facebook statuses" post.

January

• "The Lord watches over you. You need not suppose for a moment [that] the Lord’s eye [is] not upon you. The angels [are] round about you and they will take care of you, and you may be peaceful and contented. … Every good man and woman … [is] in the hands of [the] Lord. They are before him, his eye upon them, his angels round about them that they might endure afflictions, suffer pain [and] buffeting by Satan, pass through scenes of afflictions enough to wring their natural hearts out of them, comparatively. Yet God [will] take care of them” --Brigham Young (Sept. 23, 1852, Mary Fielding Smith’s funeral).
• Tonight's bowling scores: 81, 99... and 150! What the?!? No idea how I got that last one, but it was amazing and I will treasure it forever. (Pizza bowling league is awesome!)

February

• My roommate and I are planning on going to Tahoe for the weekend of the fourth of July. Neither of us have ever been, so any suggestions on where to stay, what to do/see, etc. would be appreciated. Ready...go! 
• Some nights I miss EFY more than others. Like when I go to a dance not as an EFY counselor. What am I supposed to do at a dance when I'm not leading line dances or pairing up people during slow songs or making sure hands are in appropriate places or doing ridiculous dance moves and catching people out of the corner of my eye trying to copy me? At least I got to hear John Bytheway speak in person tonight. That never happened at any EFY session I went to. 
• Reading through old MySpace blog posts. Man... I was an obnoxious teenager. At least I'm getting a kick out of it. (Also, I'm happy to note that my writing style has improved since then.)
•  Long weekends are never long enough. Thank you for being awesome, Provo. Real life begins again tomorrow...
• Just opened an IRA and a big investment account. Weird. When did I become such an adult?

March

• Awesome CEU training on motivational interviewing, bike ride on the Greenbelt in gorgeous weather, and the last night of bowling league turned into cosmic bowling. Such a great day...And I'm so grateful today was approximately a million times better than yesterday.

April

• How is it only Wednesday? Blah.
• Guys! The Facebook side ads were actually helpful for once! I was having no luck finding a hotel that wasn't outrageously expensive, already completely booked, or totally sketch... but Facebook ads to the rescue! Just booked a great hotel at a comparatively good price. Fourth of July at Lake Tahoe... here we come. :-)
• Ice cream at 7am? This is an eating plan I can get behind. Delicious post-workout treat. :-)

May

•  I just got a pair of super cute heels for Aubrey's wedding. Their "compare at" price was $119, and they were listed in the store for $59.94, but I got them for $16.92 (and that included tax). I just had to brag for a minute. :-)

June

• You know it's been a long weekend when you are in bed at 8 on a Sunday night. I had an awesome time at my sister's wedding, but it's probably a good thing I don't party that hard every weekend. :-)
• Just said goodbye to my parents. That was a bit rough. Next time I see them will be when I visit them in Brazil!

July

• I'm very grateful for technology that allows my parents to still feel nearby, even though they are now over 6000 miles away.

August

• Outdoor summer concerts are the best...even when you have to wrap up in the blanket you brought to sit on due to the change in weather.
• Nothing like moving to help you realize how much stuff you have collected over the years. At least it's now all moved! Now... onto unpacking all of it...

September

• I hate trying to watch sports online. So. Much. Buffering.
• It's strangely liberating to go to a restaurant and ask for a table for one. I highly recommend it.
• It's amazing how much faster grocery shopping is when you go later at night and not right after work. If I can ever convince myself to leave my house after I get home for the evening, I may have to do that more often. :-)

October

• I loved Jorg Klebingat's talk about increasing our spiritual confidence. So grateful for answers to questions I've been asking my Heavenly Father.‪#‎ldsconf
• Alright, friends. I finally decided to make the leap and get my own place! I'm looking to be in Boise or Meridian. I'm fine with a studio, one bedroom, or two bedroom and I'm open to whatever... apartments, condos, townhouses, mother-in-law quarters, etc. However, I would like a washer/dryer, or at least hookups for them. I would appreciate any and all leads. The sooner I can get my own place, the better. (And I promise I'm an awesome tenant.) Thanks!
• Just put down the deposit on my own apartment! If all goes according to plan, I'll be able to move in two weeks. I'm super excited! :-)
• It's official...I've now worked for two years at DI! Crazy how time flies.

November

• Gotta love 13 hour work days...especially when you weren't planning on them being 13 hour work days...
• 4 people, 3 vehicles, 2 trips, and 1 stop for ice cream later, and I'm finally in my new apartment! Despite all the unpacking, organizing, and shopping I still have to do, I'm so incredibly excited!
• Guys! I have internet in my apartment! And I bought a bed! In other words... things are going great in Colette's own apartment world. 
• Pilot light's out on my furnace. No wonder my apartment was at 50 degrees when I woke up! Now the question is...stay in the 50 degree apartment until maintenance comes or venture out into the 6 degree world and run errands? I feel like this is a no-win situation. Haha.
• Washer and dryer are now bought and will be delivered in a couple of weeks! Thank you pre-Black Friday sales for being awesome. And thank you to Lowe's, for giving me an extra 10% off for a moving coupon (on top of the already great sale price) and for letting me order and set everything up over the phone to save me another trip!
• November's been a crazy month... moving into a place of my own and settling into it (including completely furnishing it), trying to get to know people in my new ward, continuing to stay busy at work, and doing NaNoWriMo. Well, my novel (if you can call it that) is a mess, but I did just finish writing 50000 words and now it's time to really celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. Grateful for extended family that takes me and my siblings in while our parents are in Brazil. :-)

December

• Breaks from work never seem long enough! I had a great time in Utah with friends and family for Christmas, but it's back to work tomorrow... luckily it's only a 4-day work week. :-)

My own apartment... and sleeping (or lack thereof)

I've gotten kind of terrible at blogging. Whoops.

I'm not even sure if I mentioned this in my blog. But at the end of August, Karen moved to Utah, so I moved in to a house with a different roommate (a girl I hadn't met before, but she seemed nice enough when I got a tour of the place). It was a really nice house and a good price, but it was a bit uncomfortable. My roommate and I just didn't click. At all. But I was determined to stick it out. It felt so right for me to move in with her. Why should I give up? However, after being there about a month, I got a 30 days notice from my roommate. That was rough. I'm really not a bad roommate, I promise! But it was a month-to-month arrangement and she owned the house and apparently no longer wanted me there. So I woke up one morning and there was a note telling me that was my 30 days notice to find other living arrangements. Ouch.

I really didn't know what to do. After that rough experience with that one roommate, I was really hesitant to move in with someone random again. But things fell into place for me to get my own apartment. And as hard as that last roommate experience was, it did help me realize how ready I was for my own place. If I had moved into my own place straight from living with Karen, I think I would have questioned it a lot more. I think I needed to go a bit down a wrong road in order to find the right one.

Anyways, I really like my apartment. I don't love paying all the bills myself, but I get over it when I remind myself how nice it is to do what I want without walking on eggshells around a roommate. It's been fun to decorate and furnish how I want instead of relying on what's already there. Maybe one of these days, I'll hang some pictures on the wall and put things away enough to take pictures for a little apartment tour, but that day is not today. Also, it should be noted that I do have a spare bedroom and bathroom (and an inflatable queen Aerobed), if anybody wants to visit.

In other news, I'm still exhausted a lot. After getting the results from the sleep study (and finding out my insurance requires putting someone on a CPAP for sleep apnea before other options), I've been on a CPAP machine for close to 3 months...but I'm still really tired. I talked to my doctor about it and now they're trying to figure out what else is going on. Now that the apnea is treated, it must be something else. So I'm trying a sleep aid, but I think it's going to be some trial and error. It's not fun being tired all the time... especially when it means my emotions are haywire and I'm not able to fully think clearly. But I'm hoping we can figure something out. And I am grateful for good health insurance that is helping pay for all of this fun stuff.

101 list finale

The timeline for my 101 list just ended. I was able to cross off a couple of other things from my list before the time was up.

• Leave a note in a book in a library (Hopefully some eventually finds it and enjoys it).
• Write in my journal at least once every 5 days for the whole project (I do like journal writing. It keeps me same).
• Ask for someone's advice and take it (I'll admit... I don't have an exact time I remember this happened, but I know it had to have happened at some point, so I'll count it).
• Say yes to 10 things I'd rather say no to. (This was hard. A lot of the things were social events I didn't really want to go to, but went to anyways. Overall, I'm glad I said yes to the things I did and probably should do that more often. But it is hard for me, when in the moment of decision, I'd rather be at home.)

So, all in all, I completed 63 of my 101. Not as many as I would have liked, but not too shabby, either. And I did definitely do some things that I wouldn't have done otherwise if they hadn't been on my list. It provided some good motivation.

I do plan on doing another 101 list, but I think I'm going to wait to start it until January 1 again. I like starting a new year with a list of goals that I get to conquer over the next 2.5 years. Who needs New Year's Resolutions when you can have a 101 list? Anyone want to join me in this endeavor? :-)

Ogden, Peach Days, and Sutton Foster

(Another late-to-post blog.)

The Friday after we got back from Seattle, I drove down to Brigham City after work, where I met up with Karen (who took the TRAX up) at my grandparents' house. My grandmother fed us a really nice dinner (because she can't help but be a fantastic hostess) and then we hung out a bit and went to bed (driving really wears me out).

The next day, we went to the Ogden Temple Open House. It was the last day of the open house (and a Saturday), so it was pretty crazy. I was a bit disappointed because on the tour, we were right behind a big group that kept talking to each other the whole time, so it was a little hard to appreciate the peace there. But it was super beautiful and I would love to go back and do a session one day... if for no other reason than to enjoy the beautiful domed celestial room.

After the open house, we spotted a Farr's Fresh Ice Cream and stopped to get some and it was delicious. (And we didn't feel guilty because it was almost 11am. Definitely not too early for ice cream, right?)

After a quick stop at the Ogden hospital to get Karen's TB test read for her new job, we headed back to Brigham City to enjoy Peach Days. We mainly just went on a few rides, because we didn't have a ton of time to explore. And it was getting really hot, especially since everything was just set out on the blacktop roads.

We then went back to my grandparents' to grab some food to hold us over until our dinner plans, but we ended up having a full meal. It's really hard to say no to my grandmother's cooking, especially when it involves food fresh from their garden.

We met up with Aubrey and Tyler for dinner at Rubio's. I had a birthday coupon to use and they don't have Rubio's in Idaho! And it was good to catch up with them, even though I had seen them about a month before when Tyler had a work thing in Boise and Aubrey decided to join him.

We stopped at Julie's and hung out and watched a bit of the BYU game, and then headed to BYU to watch Sutton Foster perform. Karen and I became more aware of her when we watched Bunheads together earlier this year on Amazon Prime. (I quite liked it, minus the last episode... I don't recommend the last episode.) Anyways, it was a fantastic performance. Sutton is a talented performer and also really hilarious when she was talking between songs. I always appreciate when artists are like that. (And Karen took a picture before the performance because cameras weren't allowed during it. We were pretty far up, but still had a great time.)

And it was really nice that on Sunday, I didn't have to drive back on my own. In fact, I didn't have to drive back at all. Karen was heading back to Boise to help her mom finish some stuff with the house before it got put on the market, and since I was tired, she said she would drive. She ended up driving the whole way, as I rested and we talked. It was great and it was even more fun because Koda joined us... We laid down a blanket in my backseat and he rested there so serenely. Life is good when he's with his pack. (And wish I had taken a picture of that. It was adorable.)

Seattle

So... a bit behind in posting this, but better late than never, right? :-)

For some reason, I've always wanted to go to Seattle. I don't know why, but I've wanted to, and so I put it on my 101 list. As time went by, I figured it wasn't going to happen. But Karen figured out a way to make it work--over Labor Day/my birthday weekend. And it was fantastic. Karen, Jenna, and I had a blast.

We left Thursday after work and arrived in Seattle really early Friday morning. (My birthday!) We stayed with some family friends' of Karen's on Capitol Hill. It was a beautiful house with a fantastic view and close to everything.

Once we got some sleep, we got going on Friday. We started out by going to Volunteer Park and exploring a bit and also checking out the gorgeous dahlia garden. After that, we went to Ballard Locks and wandered around Ballard a bit before going kayaking on the Puget Sound and kayaking through the Locks. Super cool.

We then got a bit more fancy and had dinner at Skycity Restaurant, which was a neat experience. A nice birthday splurge. And they even have a photographer that comes around and takes your photo and you get it e-mailed to you for free.

Saturday, we started out by going to Smith Tower. I took a seat in the Wishing Chair. Tradition is that a wishful single woman who sits in it will be married within the year... I'm looking forward to proving it wrong. (Or maybe I'm just not wishful enough.)

We then went on the Underground Tour, where we learned some really cool facts about Seattle. Pretty fun stuff. We wandered around Pikes Place Market and then went to Chihuly Garden and Glass. Most of my pictures didn't turn out that great, but I'm super proud of this one. (Not the one labelled Chihuly...that was another photographer they have that takes your picture and then e-mails it for free. I'm not that professional.)

Sunday, we went to a sacrament meeting with the people that we were staying with in a beautiful and unique chapel. I wish I had been able to explore more. We then visited the Seattle Temple grounds and then visited Discovery Park. We had a little picnic on the beach, and then napped on the grass near the lighthouse. It was a beautiful day. Oh. And we visited Bruce Lee's grave. Random, I know. But it was super close to where we were staying. And why not? :-) 

Monday, we woke up and drove home. Kind of a long drive. Especially when ALL of Oregon has a 65 mph speed limit.

But I thoroughly enjoyed the trip. Even the crazy roads that made for crazy driving. So grateful for GPS that would give me a bit of warning to get over because a lane was about to end or I suddenly had to take a left exit, Seriously...it was nuts.

And with this trip, I crossed off 3 more things from my 101 list... buy dinner that's at least $50, take a trip every year in honor of my birthday, and go to Seattle. Woot!

101 list (and other) updates

I haven't blogged in a while... and I have lots of updating to do, apparently. With Karen leaving, we were fitting in a lot of fun things (along with some not-so-fun-things...like moving). But quite a few of the fun things we did had to do with my 101 list.

I've never been shooting, and I've wanted to. So my home teacher took me, Karen, and a couple of other friends to go shooting with him. I didn't actually break any of the clay pigeons, but I did come close a few times, apparently... even though I've never held a gun before.

We were supposed to go paintballing, but it didn't actually happen. Karen bought a Groupon for it, and when we went for our scheduled time, apparently it only paid for part of it and we would've had to pay a lot more money. So the group of us went and got crepes instead. But we tried. And Karen found a tiny paintball and smashed it on me. So... maybe I can count it?

Karen and I went to the Western Idaho Fair...and somehow managed to not get any pictures of the two of us. Whoops. (Though you can see lots of pictures of some things we did see at the fair at Karen's post about it.) But it was a lot of fun, wandering around, seeing the shows and animals and contests. And I did take a picture of a quilt that reminded me of my family. A missionary's mom had taken quotes from her e-mails and made it into a quilt. Super fun idea.

And because I haven't blogged about this 101 list item yet... I am getting laser hair removal. So... that's in process and I think it's helping. But I still have several treatments to go and hope to see even better results!

But other than 101 list stuff, we did lots of other fun things. Like go doing some aerial yoga, watching Merry Wives of Windsor at the Idaho Shakespeare Festival, seeing Nickel Creek in concert at the Idaho Botanical Gardens, watching Paula Poundstone, going to the World Center Birds of Prey Museum and the Boise Aquarium, and floating the Boise River. Good times. :-)

But yes... I have officially moved. Just to the next town over. My commute is pretty much the same to both stores (I'm not right by a freeway entrance any more, which I miss). But the location is still good, I like the house I'm living in and my roommate (Jessica) seems really nice, plus she has a couple of super sweet cats. And I'll be in a new ward (we'll have to see how that plays out). Work is still keeping me busy, but I got a new boss recently and I really like her. I've been very fortunate to have great bosses. 

Sleep Study

I've been sleeping rather terribly lately. I can fall asleep just fine, and I'm getting 7-8 hours a sleep a night (on worknights, I generally go to bed between 10 and 11pm and wake up between 6 and 7am). However, I can't seem to stay asleep. I wake up at least 2-3 times a night (that I remember) and just feel pretty exhausted a lot of the time. And with the lack of sleep, my emotions get a bit haywire, and my brain sometimes just didn't seem to function.

I was thinking it was a bit problematic how tired I was (and how emotional I could get and how my brain didn't always want to work), but I figured I'd just talk to my doctor at my annual physical that was scheduled in July. I thought I could last until then. My mind changed when my alarm went off one day and I just wanted to cry (I really almost did). So I called my doctor to see if I could move up my annual physical, but apparently that truly has to be a year apart, so that wasn't possible. Then they tried to see if I could get in to see my doctor sooner, but she didn't have any availability in the next two weeks. Once I decided I needed to see a doctor, I didn't want to wait any longer, so they booked me at a different clinic with a different doctor (that was conveniently located closer to both my work and my house) that was still in the same health care system.

I went to the doctor and was really impressed with him. He talked to me for almost a half hour about my concerns and gathered information. Based on everything I said, he determined that it was possible that I had sleep apnea (I had thought that might be a possibility), so he arranged for me to do a sleep study. I also did some blood work (he wanted to rule out some other things), but that all came back normal.

I finally had the sleep study. I didn't entirely know what to expect, though I did a bit of research about it. I was doing a split-night sleep study, which means that they monitor my sleep for the first part of the night, and then if they detect signs of sleep apnea, they put a CPAP machine for the second half of the night and figure out the right pressure. But I went to the center, and I got ushered into what was basically a hotel room. I had a queen-sized bed (covered in a bunch of wires) and my own bathroom.

After I changed into my pajamas, my tech attached all the wires to me. I had wires on my legs, chest, face, and head, as well as two belts. As she attached all of that, I watched a video about sleep apnea, then I was able to watch Castle (they had a lot of channels...it was great). Once I was all hooked up to everything, I was able to just relax and do whatever.

I did try on a nose pillow CPAP machine, to see what it would be like if they did put it on me during the night. I was surprised how well I could breathe through it (as long as I didn't open my mouth). I sometimes struggle to breathe through my nose at night, but there wasn't an issue with the CPAP machine.

When I told my tech I was ready for bed, she added a few more sensors (a finger sensor, as well as a tube that went in my mouth and nose to monitor breathing). And then I went to bed.

I was a little apprehensive about being able to fall asleep with all the wires and things attached to me, but it really wasn't that hard. Unfortunately, I did wake up several times in the night, some because my tech had to come in and adjust things, and other times just on my own. My tech came in and told me around 1:30am that they hadn't seen any major signs of sleep apnea by that point, so they were just going to monitor me the rest of the night and not do the CPAP.

When I woke up the next morning, I was really frustrated and almost started crying. I felt like I slept worse than I normally did, and I still wasn't closer to getting any answers as to why. However,the sleep study did collect about 800 pages of data for the sleep physician to interpret and I would get the results in a few weeks.

Well... I got the results the brief results a few weeks ago, and met with a doctor a few days ago to go over the results. Apparently, I have mild obstructive sleep apnea. I had 9 instances of central sleep apnea and 60 times of hypopnea during the night. One frustrating line from the write-up of my study was that, "Given the mild nature of her sleep apnea it is unclear how much of her current symptoms and daytime sleepiness are a result of the sleep apnea." It is a bit frustrating to have paid a significant amount of money and still not be sure what direction to go. There are a few different ways I could possibly treat it, including getting an oral appliance or a CPAP machine. But they aren't sure what may work and they said it's possible that other issues may be at play (such as mental health issues or stress). I'm going to have to spend more money (which is fine), but I really want to make sure what I spend money on works. So... we'll see what I decide. I just really hope this isn't all in my head.

Tahoe and Other Adventures

For the Fourth of July, Karen and I ended up going to Tahoe. It was quite a drive (and not a super pretty one, if we're being honest), but we stayed semi-entertained listening to audiobooks and podcasts. But the time in Tahoe itself was great.

We drove up Thursday night and left Sunday, so we had two full days there, which was wonderful (especially since neither of us had to take any vacation time). Friday, we rode up the Heavenly Gondola, and then went even further up on a ski lift. The view was beautiful and it was so peaceful. At times, it felt like we were the only people in the world, since not a lot of people were up there. We later went to the beach, ate burgers at a restaurant, and then went back to the beach to watch the fireworks over the lake. Saturday, we hung out at the beach, got delicious sushi for dinner, and then played in the arcades of a couple of casinos. I wish the trip had been longer, but I'm very grateful that Karen made the trip happen. I had going to Tahoe on my 101 list, but once I moved to Boise, I figured I wouldn't pull it off. She convinced me that we could and we did! It was great.

In other news, Karen has decided she's moving away from Boise at the end of next month. It makes me sad and I'm still not entirely sure where I'm going to end up. But, as I'm trying to look for the positives in this situation, it is pushing us to do a lot of stuff we have never gotten around to doing together. Friday, we went out to eat at a yummy Italian restaurant that I had a Groupon for and then wandered around Warm Springs, looking at all the beautiful houses. And yesterday, we went swimming at the pond and then saw a double feature at the drive-in. We have a lot of things still to accomplish on the list, so I'm hoping we have a good last few weeks together. And I hope I figure out soon where I'm supposed to end up.

Home and Trusting in the Lord

A couple of weekends ago, I was able to go to Provo and see my parents one last time before they left to go to Brazil to serve for three years as mission president and companion. I was able to be in the presence of an apostle of the Lord as they were set apart, which was a really neat experience. It has been weird to come to terms that my parents aren't going to be around physically for the next few years. (Though I do hope to visit them at Christmas.) I must say, I am very grateful for technology... even though they're over 6000 miles away from me, it can seem like they're just still in California if I don't think too hard about it. I've already been able to talk to my mom on the phone, and I've been able to e-mail both my parents and get pretty fast responses. So even though they are much farther away physically than before, they certainly don't have to feel that far away if I need them. :-)

Anyways, with them being gone, and with some other random things going on in my life, I've been thinking a lot about home again. I ended up thinking about it even more when I realized that I hadn't printed out a particular old blog post and put it in my journal like I normally do. So I went to look it up and print it out. I almost laughed when I read through it and realized the topic and found that so much of it still resonated with me. (For reference, it was this blog post.)

Since I wrote that blog post, Boise really come to feel like home, in no small part due to my roommate, Karen. But with some things going on, and with Boise starting to feel a bit temporary again, I don't know how everything is going to play out. I hate being in limbo and I just wish I knew the answers now. But as my dad told me in an e-mail today:

I think that the Lord will make it clear for you and the way will open up.  Remember my trials with the opportunities that seemed to make so much sense, but never really happened even to the point of having us to have to pray for it?  None of it made sense at the time.  I had three CEOs wanting to hire me, but for one reason or another, in all three cases, things were "on hold"........even though they REALLY wanted me to start.

God knew what needed to happen.  I just had to be patient and hang in there.  I was clueless as to what was getting set up to happen.  But, God opened the way and now, here we are.

You have a ton of faith in Him.  He will help you move in the right direction.  Just stay committed to that and don't worry (I know............that is easy for me to say). 

So basically...I need to keep trusting in the Lord. No job opportunities worked out for my dad when by all reasonable accounts, they should have. So instead, he was able to work on a bunch of things he wanted to do (including opening up a pharmacy with my cousin) and now he's able to serve the Lord full-time. But trusting in the Lord is a constant battle for me. It's talked about in EVERY father's blessing I've gotten for at least the past couple of years and I guess it's a lesson I still need to learn. 

It will work out. It will. I just need to keep doing my part. And for now, that's continuing to make sure Boise is home for me (at least for now) and make sure I'm open to His promptings if things do need to change. For He truly knows best.

Two Weekends, Two Weddings, Two Trips to Utah

This weekend was the second weekend in a row that I was able to go to Utah to be at a wedding. Last weekend, it was my sister's wedding. It was a fun (though slightly exhausting day). But it was so wonderful to be surrounded by family all day and just feel the love that was there. And Aubrey made a beautiful bride.

This weekend, I came back down to Provo for Sara (my old roommate)'s wedding. It was another lovely day (though again, kind of exhausting) with another lovely bride.

Weddings all around!

Now I just need to drive back to Boise tomorrow, make it through another work week, then drive back down to Provo one more time... this time, for my parents being set apart before they leave on their mission. And then I think I'll be done with that drive for a while. :-)

Twin Falls, Hero, and a "New" Dress

Twin Falls
A couple weekends ago, Karen and I decided to get away from Boise for the day and headed to Twin Falls. It was lovely. We did a session at the Twin Falls temple, checked out Shoshone Falls and the Perrine Bridge, and visited her aunt and uncle in Gooding. I love little escapes.

Hero
Karen and I were out shopping and she asked if I wanted to make a stop at the Humane Society. I didn't see the harm (especially since we were wondering if a cat she had adopted previously that had run away had shown up). Unfortunately, that cat wasn't there, but there were some adorable kittens. And as soon as Karen realized one was a polydactyl, I knew we were coming home with a kitten. Meet Hero. He's adorable.

You see his little polydactyl paws, right? 

He makes this face a lot. Definitely likes his meowing. :-) But he also likes cuddling, so it's ok.

However, we're now outnumbered... just two people to three animals. But we're surviving so far.

Dress
My sister (Aubrey)'s wedding is coming up, and I was really struggling to find a dress. I don't look great in two of her wedding colors, and the third color is really hard to find right now, since it's more of a fall/winter color. Then I realized that I had a dress in my closet that my mom had given me that I had never worn, since I didn't like the color and it didn't flatter me at all. I heard about using Rit Dye to dye clothes and decided to give it a try. Look at this lovely (ha) before picture. See my not happy face? Understand why it's just been sitting in my closest for a couple of years?

Karen helped me to remove the belt loops for the sash (I couldn't find the seam to remove them myself... I'm not that talented in sewing yet) and then I used the washing machine method and mixed two different colors. I moved the sash up a bit (I look great in empire waists) and I had a totally new dress that I'm really looking forward to wearing at Aubrey's wedding! It's a bit lighter than I meant it to be, but I still really like it.

The side effect of using Rit Dye? I now want to dye lots of my clothes that are faded or that I don't wear as often as I could because I don't love the color it is right now. Hopefully I don't go too dye crazy...

Building a Snowman and Aerial Art

So... I can't remember actually ever building a snowman. Sad, I know. But I did live in California for most of my life that I remember. And then I just never did it in Provo. (I generally don't like playing in the snow. I much prefer watching it fall while I'm cuddled up in a blanket with some hot chocolate and a book.) So I added it to my 101 list and kind of forgot about it. But then Karen has been really good about bugging me to do my 101 list. (It's nice to have supportive roommates.) I know there are goals on my list that simply won't happen at this point, and I'm okay with that. I kind of figured that's how the snowman one would be when it was suddenly March and the weather started acting like it was spring. But Karen dragged me up to Bogus a few weekends ago and we made a couple of miniature snowmen. The snow had pretty much turned to ice except for the first few inches, so we weren't able to make them super big, so we went for quantity instead of quality. (Maybe next year we'll make a big one.)

 Also, since I don't ever remember making a snow angel, either, we took the time to do that.

Another thing on my list was to try some aerial art. I figured this one wasn't going to happen, since I couldn't find anywhere in Boise that did this. I knew there was a facility in Salt Lake, but not around here. But I happened to Google it one day and found an aerial silks workshop being taught at Ophidia Studio, so I signed up and went. It was way harder than I was anticipating. So much flexibility, arm strength, and core strength are required. I got a bit frustrated, but it was pretty fun to try it out. I'm already sore, just a couple of hours later. I'll likely be feeling it more the next few days.

Also, the studio does have some aerial yoga and aerial fitness classes. I may have to check those out at some point. Maybe during my next 101 list? :-)

500 piece puzzle

One of my 101 list goals was to do a 500 piece puzzle by myself. I'm not a huge puzzle person, as they kind of frustrate me at times. But I wanted to prove to myself that I could do it.

My roommate (Karen) knew about the goal and when she saw a 500 piece puzzle of Brigham City when she was at the DI one day, she knew it was perfect for me. My mom grew up there and my grandparents still live there. So it was fun for me to work on. Definitely took a while for me, but I survived. And I loved that feeling of accomplishment.

Also... thank you, Karen, for letting me take over the kitchen table for a couple of weeks as I worked on it. You're the best. :-)

Vulnerability- a comic

So much blogging this week! Hopefully you're not sick of me.

Vulnerability is a hot topic for me and something I've been thinking a lot about. But for a while, I was avoiding thinking about it, to the point that I checked out Brene Brown's Daring Greatly twice, and each time I returned it to the library without reading it. (Still need to check it out again... and read it this time.)

But I know I wasn't as happy as I could be. By closing myself off, I wasn't happy. I wasn't fulfilled. And I think that's partly why I had such a bad year in 2013. I separated myself. Didn't allow others in. Which kept m heart safe, but totally and utterly deflated. So when I found this comic a while ago, I knew it was something I wanted to share. But since I wasn't in the best place emotionally, I still didn't really want to think about it. I didn't want to consider its impact on me.

The guy illustrated the following C.S. Lewis quote:
“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket — safe, dark, motionless, airless — it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy, is damnation. The only place outside of Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.”

And for the comic itself:
http://zenpencils.com/comic/103-c-s-lewis-to-love-at-all/

Whew! Powerful stuff.

But on a happier note, I'm allowing myself to be a bit more vulnerable. Just a little bit. It's still terrifying. I still hate it. But it also is making me happier. To know that people still love and care for me, even when I am being vulnerable and showing uglier sides of myself. And by being vulnerable with the right people, I actually feel safe. Safer than I was when I kept my heart locked up. And it is slowly making Boise more of my home.

Another Testimony

I bore my testimony in church today. That's a pretty rare occurrence for me. I'm not even sure the last time I did that. I don't think I've done it since moving to Boise. And if that's correct, it looks like the last time I bore my testimony in Sacrament Meeting was June 2012 (I know that because I blogged about it). Oops. I really should do that more often.

I wasn't planning on bearing my testimony today. But the past couple of days, I've been reading some old journals and blog posts that got me thinking and pondering. As I was reading some more blog posts during Sacrament Meeting, I felt prompted to get up and share my own testimony about what I was learning. And while I don't remember exactly what I said, I feel like I need to share the basic gist on here, as well.

While looking through old journal entries and blog posts this week, I came to an interesting insight. I was looking at a time period that I remember being good. Sure, I remember that there were a few hard things going on, but mostly, I remember it being good. But as I looked back and actually read through what I was thinking and feeling, I realized that I was wrong. In my mind at that time, it was the complete opposite of how I remember it now. Sure, there were good moments and tender mercies, but overall, it was TERRIBLE. I was so stressed and overwhelmed, and most of all, I was SO bitter and angry at myself and at God. I hated myself and what I was going through. I didn't think I could continue on. And the hardest thing was that I didn't understand how I could be going through such hard difficulties and didn't understand why God would be doing this to me. I felt lost, hurt, and abandoned.

That was a little shocking for me to see. (I guess that's partly the importance of writing in a journal so you can look back at these times and truly remember.) But what was interesting to me now, is being able to see how things had turned out. If I hadn't had certain trials or experiences that were so difficult at the time, I wouldn't be where I am today. Heavenly Father was able to use those experiences to help me to become more like Him. And now, with the perspective that I have, I can be grateful for them. And I can be grateful for recording them so I can see my growth. And now I can rely on past experiences and my past testimony to continue to strengthen me during the hard times I am experiencing and will continue to experience.

I know that we have a loving Heavenly Father. I know that He cares and would do anything for us. We've just got to turn and let Him help. He is there. I know He lives. I know He sent His Son so that He can succor us in our times of need. His love for us is unconditional and incomprehensible. I KNOW. And I will continue to cling to that knowledge for the rest of my life, living in a way so that when I return to Him, He will say, "Well, done, thou good and faithful servant...enter thou into the joy of thy lord."

McCall Winter Carnival (and my need for alone time)

This weekend, I went with some friends (Karen, Leslee, and Michelle) to the McCall Winter Carnival. We stayed at Leslee's sister-in-law's family cabin in Cascade on Friday and Saturday night. Friday night, we just settled in and hung out. On Saturday, we went to McCall to check out the parade, ice sculptures, and booths.

(The Great Wall of China... McCall style!)

We didn't get to see all the ice sculptures, since it was really crowded and rather spread out. But there were some neat ones that we saw. Like this one. And a pyramid. And a pretty adorable abominable snowman. We had a really late lunch at the delicious Pancake House. (They have cinnamon rolls the size of a dinner plate!) Mmm. Then we headed back and took naps because we were all so tired. (None of us had slept particularly well Friday night.) Saturday night, Karen and I escaped to the Gold Fork Hot Springs. It was really nice, though a bit hard to see since it was so steamy and crowded. But the stargazing was AMAZING! Seriously. Sunday, Karen and I went to Sacrament Meeting at the Cascade Branch. Everybody there was really nice. Then we just kind of hung out at the cabin until we headed back to Boise.

Super brief summary of the weekend, I know. It was a good weekend. Nice escape. I just don't know what other details to fill in.

But what this weekend really helped me to discover how much I need alone time. I definitely identify as an introvert, but I guess I'm generally able to get quite a bit of alone time that I haven't really noticed, even if it's journaling or reading alone in my room before I go to bed or eating a bowl of cereal by myself in the morning. I didn't get really any alone time this weekend, as all four of us slept in the same room and we all came in the same car. Plus, no matter where we went (ice sculptures, eating, church, at the cabin, etc.), we were SURROUNDED by other people. There was no real place to escape to and be by myself. Which isn't a bad thing inherently. (I do like having friends.) But it was a bit rough for me. And I didn't realize how hard it was until we got back to Boise and I went to a stake fireside last night. I felt myself getting antsier and antsier and when refreshment time hit, I really couldn't stick around. I dashed out to my car and went home.

So work today was also a bit rough, since I still haven't really recovered (from lack of alone time and from lack of sleep). And in my job, I'm around other people quite a bit. I was able to keep it together okay at work, but then when some things went wrong after work, it was a bit harder to deal with. Simple things I normally would just shrug off almost sent my anxiety levels through the roof.

But after home evening, I was able to come home and be alone and listen to my "Ocean Waves" Pandora station. So I think I'm mainly recovered. And now it's time for bed. (I'm definitely still not caught up from my lack of sleep. But that's okay, right? I'm having fun and making memories.)

Bowling League!

I'm doing a bowling league again this winter! And it's awesome. Each week, we get three games of bowling, a pizza to share with the team, and plenty of fun... all for $10 a person. Doesn't get much better than that.

I must say, it's interesting to see how people react when we say we're in a bowling league. People seem to automatically assume we're awesome. (We apparently even had some people from Karen's work fighting over us to be on their team at their work party.) But... we're really not that amazing of bowlers. Seriously. After the first week of the league, we were in last place. (Though we somehow won last year because of our super high handicap. Which was really funny, because we had no idea we were doing so well because we didn't understand the whole handicap thing. All we knew was that the other teams kept scoring higher than us each week, so we figured we weren't doing that well. Someone eventually explained what was going on, so all the other teams taking note of who the Queen Pins were suddenly made sense.) And I am a terribly inconsistent bowler. It's a bit frustrating to me, though I still have plenty of fun. This week, I scored 104, 73, and 111. Last night when I went bowling for Karen's work party, I got 128 in the first game (and even within the game I was a bit inconsistent... getting a spare or strike several frames in a row, and then bowling into the gutter the next frame). We weren't quite able to finish the second game (the place was rented for two hours, not two games), but I ended the ninth frame at 65. Oops.

However, what's rather exciting (and what I really wanted to share) was last week's bowling... our first week of the league. That week, I got 81, 99, and then finished off the night with a 150. No idea how I managed to get the 150. It's the highest I've ever scored before. But I took a picture for proof. (Actually, Karen took it for me, since she brought her nice camera.) And I was super happy because I got to check another thing off my 101 list! (I wasn't sure if I'd be able to check that one off... but woot!)

Hopefully I'll be able to become a bit more consistent of a bowler this season. But if not, at least I'm having fun!