I've been struggling lately... Really, really struggling in so many ways. And some of those ways make it really hard for me to want to go to church. It is a total battle to get to church on Sundays. And that's not something you really go around telling people. And you definitely don't tell people at church, because we're all supposed to be perfect, right? It's hard to admit you're struggling, when everybody else seems to be doing fine. (Though I know logically others are struggling and putting on their good faces, as well.)
So last night, I was pretty sure I was just going to stay home from church. What was the point of going when I felt like I was too far gone? But somehow, I did make it to church today. Part of that was due to seeing a quote from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland posted on The Church's Instagram:
"Please remember tomorrow, and all the days after that, that the Lord blesses those who want to improve, who accept the need for commandments and try to keep them, who cherish Christlike virtues and strive to the best of their ability to acquire them. If you stumble in that pursuit, so does everyone; the Savior is there to help you keep going. If you fall, summon His strength. Call out like Alma, 'O Jesus, … have mercy on me.' He will help you get back up. He will help you repent, repair, fix whatever you have to fix, and keep going. Soon enough you will have the success you seek."
Good quote, right?
So I made it to church. But I'll be honest... once I get to church, I don't always pay attention to what is going on and is what being said. It's just easier sometimes to tune out and play around on my phone than deal with whatever anxiety or not-fun feeling I'm trying to block out. But today, a few things did get through during the talks about pioneers (since today is Pioneer Day). This quote stuck out to me especially.
The last sentence especially struck me. There have been so many times I've wished I could just be done. (Thank you, depression. You're the best.) And because of that, I imagine it would be so easy for me to die a martyr's death. Then you're done! Because of that, enduring to the end is a principle I've struggled with. Forever seems so long when it's a challenge to just get up in the morning and put one foot in front of the other. It is so easy to want to give up. But I've been called to live a disciple's life. So, today, I pick myself up again and continue to move forward.
I really, really enjoyed reading this post. The quotes were fantastic and just what I needed to hear. You're not the only one out there struggling with not going to church. I'm a single adult and it's been my struggle for years. Once I'm there, I'm SO glad I went, it's just the getting there that's tough. I know the adversary would have us beat ourselves up for this, bc we can always improve. We can miss a Sunday but then go the next. We aren't stuck and Satan is, so he would have us think we're stuck too. Well- sucks to be you, Satan! But improve we can and improve we will lol And I DO go around telling people I struggle with getting to church bc that's life and it's real and it's not some dirty little secret. I also think that's another ploy of Satan- "keep it to yourself, act perfect, you're alone in this, no one else has this struggle, you suck, why can't you be more like them?, blah blah blah..." Our loving Heavenly Father would NEVER put those thoughts in our heads. That's Satan. I loved this post. Thank you so much for sharing. Keep picking yourself up and pressing forward bc you can! It's not over til it's over ;) Best wishes xoxo
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