2017, by the numbers

I really like doing this year-end review by the numbers. Another year on the books. Happy New Year, everyone!

Traveling:
Miles driven in my car: 17,669
States lived in: 2
States lived in/been in (including airports): 11
States lived in/been in (not including airports): 4 
Airports been in: 12
Countries visited/lived in: 1
Round-trip plane trips: 4
Amusement parks visited: 0
Times driven to Utah and back: 6.5 
Nights away from home: 46

Work: 
Jobs held: 2

States where I am an LCSW: 2

Personal:
First dates went on: 0
Second dates went on: 0
Books read: 62 (20,583 pages, per Goodreads)
Places lived in: 3
Wards member of: 2
Roommates had: 0 (2 if you count parents, 3 if you add in one sister...)
Cars driven: 4
Blogs posted: 11
Friends on Facebook: 312
Calligraphy classes taken: 3

Physical:
Massages received: 5 

Races run: 7
Run/walk miles logged in RunKeeper: 550.1
Overall pounds lost: 9.8

Entertainment:
Restaurants visited/ordered from: 103

Times went out/ordered/got food from restaurants: 143

Movies watched: 27 

Plays/musicals attended: 4 

Spiritual/church:
Callings held: 3
Blessings (including setting aparts) received: 4
Temples/temple grounds visited: 6
Number of proxy initiatories completed: 67
Number of proxy endowments completed: 16
Number of proxy sealings completed: 0
Live sealings attended: 0

101 List:

101 list goals completed: 14
101 list goals in progress: 13

My Year in Facebook Statuses- 2017 Edition

January

• This winter needs to be over! I got stuck in snow four different times while driving home from work and almost got into two accidents. I was very fortunate to not have any damage to myself or my car and to have co-workers or random strangers come to my rescue each time. But I think I want to hibernate until all this snow is gone.
• So...I was trying to get to the Hyundai dealership to get snow tires and instead got stuck in my parking lot. Tow truck ETA is 6:30 this evening. Can any of my friends rescue me sooner?Update: landscapers got me out. The dealership didn't have any winter tires in stock. On my way to a tire store. Because I am not going back to my complex without winter tires. Thanks for all the concern! Update #2: Tim at Big O Tires on Fairview and Cole is awesome and very helpful and new winter tires are being put on now. :-) Update #3 (hopefully last one about this ever): The snow tires are handling beautifully. Though when I tried to get back into my complex again, I got stuck. It was a mess. I even saw an SUV struggling. I managed to back out and stayed away until they cleared the lot. But now it's clear, I'm home safe, and I might actually be able to make it through this winter.
• I really want to plan a small vacation to somewhere warm towards the end of this month/beginning of next month (I really need something to look forward to as we ride out these crazy storms). Nothing super long... just a couple of extra days tacked on to a weekend or something. Any suggestions or adventure buddies?
• So... I cancelled my paid memberships to dating sites a few days ago because nothing was really happening and I don't want to keep throwing away money. (And let's be honest, dating is kind of the worst.) But in the last few days, I've gotten more "flirts" and "likes" on my profiles than I did in the previous few months combined. So I think that maybe dating sites make your profile a "featured profile" temporarily when you cancel your membership so that you come back and pay again so you can see who the heck these guys are. It's a conspiracy. Thoughts?
• Am I too young to become a snowbird? Because I'm done with this winter. I just want to be warm again!
• A couple of friends were going to come up from Utah to watch Once with me this weekend, but with the weather they aren't coming anymore. :-( But...this gives you the opportunity to come watch it with me instead! I have two extra tickets for the 8pm performance on Saturday (at the Morrison Center). Each ticket is $41.22. Who's in?
• Power outage. Fun... :-(

February

• First day of the season for Boise Galloway and I dropped two minutes on my magic mile time from six months ago and I kept within 5 seconds of my pace each lap. Love seeing that progress!
• I'm considering finally getting a new credit card, as I still only have the one I got when I started college 9.5 years ago. (Yikes! Feeling old.) I think I want something that will give me good travel rewards regardless of airline. (I used to be loyal to Southwest, but it isn't always the cheapest out of Boise.) I might also be open to a credit card with other good rewards or maybe cash back. Suggestions?

March

• Hit double digits for the first time ever on my run today! Being able to complete a half is within reach. :-) 
• Beware the Ides of March is right! Grateful for a speed workout that let out some of the tension and frustration after a crazy day of work... and I'm especially grateful for the warm shower and cozy pajamas after said speed workout.

April

• I realize that April Fools' Day is not the ideal day to announce this... But Karen and I just registered for the St. George Marathon this October! (This running thing has gotten a bit out of hand.) Feel free to join us in our insanity. Registration opened this morning and goes on until they hit their 7800 runner cap.
• I was looking at my carpet today and realized how dirty it is. And I just vacuumed yesterday! I guess the vacuum cleaner I took from my parents' storage unit isn't working well. (Sorry, Mom and Dad). Anybody have recommendations on a good vacuum? Or have thoughts on robot vacuums?

May

• Some days are a struggle and they become even less fun when you somehow manage to lock yourself out of your car. Oh well. Thank goodness for Hyundai Roadside Assistance? (At least this gives me an excuse to miss hill training tonight. So...Maybe it's a good thing. Haha.)
• Came home to a 24 hour notice to enter on my door so my management company can do their biannual and HVAC inspections. I apparently need to remove all items from under all my sinks (obnoxious), make sure there's access to all HVAC and water systems (fine) and make sure all smoke alarms and light fixtures are properly installed. Normally not a problem, but of course, my smoke detector started beeping and now I have to go out and buy a 9V battery tonight. (All while hoping they they remember to re-lock my door tomorrow, since they didn't one time they did a check and my roommate came home to a wide open front door.) Renting is so fun sometimes.

June

• Glacier this month! What are the are the must-dos that I need to add to my list?

July

• Loved spending the last week with both sides of my family as we celebrated my parents returning from their mission. But as great as this last week was, I'm grateful to be back in my own apartment. Being an introvert in a family of extroverts can be exhausting! Good thing I love them anyways. I mean, I am stuck with them for eternity. :-)

August

• I've been feeling for a while that a big change would be coming in my life and now I finally know what it is. It is with incredibly mixed emotions that I'm announcing that I've accepted a position as (job) at (company) and will be starting with their new semester in three weeks. Boise has truly become my home over the last five years (it's almost the longest I've lived anywhere in my life!) and I'm going to miss it, my job, my co-workers, and my friends so much. I've grown so much in so many ways over the last five years and closing this chapter of my life won't be easy, but I'm also very excited to continue to grow both personally and professionally as I move to Salt Lake and tackle this new role.
• Okay, guys. Looking at housing is overwhelming and I would love any help/suggestions. I'm looking to move to Salt Lake County. Requirements: 2 bedroom (or a really large one bedroom, as I have a lot of stuff), W/D hook-ups, covered parking, safe area. Bonus points if near TRAX or in a really good singles ward/area. I'd prefer not to spend over $900/month in rent, though I could higher. Suggestions?
• Momentous occasion today: first time anybody has thought that I was pregnant and actually asked me if I was. (For the record, I'm not. Unless there's another virgin birth going on that I'm not aware of...)
• It's my birthday today. I always feel a bit awkward letting people know that. I struggle being the center of attention or feeling like I'm forcing people to do something for me. But with all the craziness going on in my life right now, I'd love a gift from you. I'd love to hear a favorite memory of the two of us or just something you appreciate about me. If that's not your style, memes are also appreciated. Absolutely no pressure to do so. But I think this is a better way for me to celebrate a birthday than just a lot of people wishing me happy birthday because Facebook tells them they should. Regardless, thank you for being in my life. I'm so lucky to have you.

September

• Had to scrape my windshield this morning. I'm not ready for this weather!

October

• What did you guys do today? I got a bit sunburned...And ran a marathon! I still can't believe I did it. Training has been hard physically and I've really been struggling with my mental game. There were even a few times today I wasn't sure if I could pull it off. But I didn't get swept and I finished! My body isn't super happy with me right now, but I am so happy with myself. Now I know I can do anything. 
• Ok. I need to get a new personal laptop. I don't need anything fancy... just something for internet browsing and Microsoft Office. And I need to get it before NaNo because I do NOT want to do that by hand. Any suggestions?
• My GPS wasn't working this morning, but I successfully navigated where I needed to go by just using the grid system! It works! I did get slightly lost when the grid didn't entirely connect, but I figured it out and feel very accomplished.
• More fun from my previous management company: got mail from them today and I opened it, expecting it to be a check with the rest of my deposit back. I was interested to see how much money they'd give me back (didn't think it would be much, knowing them). But nope. It was someone else's statement and bill. I don't know how this company has stayed in business and actually taken over a lot of the Treasure Valley. I'm so glad to be (almost) done with them. Here's to hoping they didn't send my check (or info to steal my identity) to someone else.

November

• It's a Sara Bareilles kind of night.
• I now have a Utah driver's license and license plates and a Salt Lake County library card. Guess there's no going back now.
• I was a NaNo rebel this year, working on several different projects instead of just one novel. But I wrote 50,000 words total, and with an hour and 15 minutes to spare... I'm counting it as a win! 

December

• Looking at getting LASIK. Have any of my Salt Lake friends had that done? I'm likely looking at going to either Hoopes Vision or LasikPlus and would love recommendations or insights.
• Running hills at 6000 feet is either going to help me get a lot stronger and faster or it's going to kill me. Let's hope it's the former instead of the latter.

2016, by the numbers

I really like doing this year-end review by the numbers. Another year on the books. If you have ideas of other things I should track for this next year, let me know. Happy New Year, everyone!

Traveling:
Miles driven in my car: 19253
States lived in: 1
States lived in/been in: 5 (6 if you count the layover in New York on the way back from Brazil)
Countries visited/lived in: 2.
Round-trip plane trips: 3.5
Amusement parks visited: 1
Times driven to Utah and back: 7.5

Work: 
Jobs held: 1
States where I am an LCSW: 2
CEUs completed: 52

Personal:
First dates went on: 10
Second dates went on: 0
Books read: 71 (24,537 pages, according to Goodreads)
Places lived in: 1
Wards member of: 1
Roommates had: 1
Cars driven: 4
Blogs posted: 13
Friends on Facebook: 293
Calligraphy classes taken: 2

Physical:
Massages received: 6

Races run: 3
Run/walk miles logged in RunKeeper: 87.61 (wish I had started logging all my runs sooner... I didn't start logging them in there until my first race!)
Pounds lost since 6/20/16: 17.6

Entertainment:
Restaurants visited/ordered from: 89
Times went out/ordered/got food from restaurants: 142

Movies watched: 32
Plays/musicals attended: 1

Spiritual/church:
Callings held: 3
Blessings (including setting aparts) received: 4
Temples/temple grounds visited: 6
Number of proxy initiatories completed: 99
Number of proxy endowments completed: 24
Number of proxy sealings completed: 7
Live sealings attended: 1

101 List:
101 list goals completed: 17
Novels written: 1

More 101 List Things (AKA: I really should update my blog more often)

Besides my traditional year-in-review posts, the last time I posted something on my blog was back in September...and that was reviewing the whole summer, because the time I posted before that was in April. Whoops.

So, at least this means I have a list of things I've accomplished on my 101 list since then. I promise I am doing things with my life, guys. In no particular order, I...:

• went on the Thunder Mountain Railroad. (That was back in September. It was a fun experience. Yummy food and beautiful scenery.)
• did glass blowing at Idaho Art Glass. (I made a vase that is now sitting on my kitchen table. I think I now want to make paper flowers to fill it with.)
• voted in person. (in the November elections)
• read Daughters of My Kingdom.
• participated in sealing by proxy. (I was able to do this in Brazil with my parents when we were visiting them, which was really neat. Even though the ordinances were in Portuguese and I didn't know exactly what was being said. Maybe I need to do it in English sometime. Haha.)
• visited Brazil! (Got to go with my siblings for Christmas. It was lovely. Minus the lots of flying to get there and back.)
• went to a NaNo write in. (I went to a write-in and the Bishop's House in Boise, and it was really beautiful. They were setting it up for Christmas and I just hid myself away in a room where Santa would be, and got to write in the glow of the Christmas lights. I didn't sit in Santa's chair, though. That would have been disrespectful. Haha.)
• did a session in a temple that I haven't before. (Went to the Jordan River temple and did a session the last day it was open before it closed for extensive renovations.)
• went to a temple open house. (Went to the Provo City Center Open House. SOOO beautiful! I definitely want to go back and do a session once it's dedicated.)
• followed a meal plan for a week. (Did it, but now I'm bad about continuing to do that.)
• drank a gallon of water a day for two weeks. (Same as the meal plan. Bad at continuing to follow-through.)
• bought a pair of boots. (Granted, they were from DI. But I bought them and I wear them. I am debating buying a new pair, though, which I think is what I meant when I made this goal. But it's hard to find boots I'd actually wear!)

In other news, I'm staying really busy with work and things. I have something going on pretty much every night after work. (Monday is home evening, Tuesday is temple night, Wednesday is institute, Thursday is calligraphy class, and Friday has generally become girls night.) I'm trying to be social. I started online dating, but that's really not going anywhere (which I'm ok with for now). I really started online dating to try to get used to talking to normal guys again (because I feel like I lost that skill since leaving BYU). But all of this is keeping me busy and rather tired. I know I need to get into more of a regular exercise routine again, but it is hard for me when I'm so busy after work, and it's hard enough getting myself out of bed for work... I don't know if I can get up even earlier to work out. I do need to figure it out. 

But life is pretty good. I'm trying to refocus and re-calibrate, especially after a breakthrough I had earlier this week in therapy. (And seriously guys, maybe you won't take this advice seriously since I'm a therapist myself and you think that I have to say this...but therapy is awesome and everybody should do it.) Still trying to figure out exactly how to follow-through though. But it'll happen. Slowly, but surely, I'm making it happen.

2014, by the numbers

The numbers from this year are a bit different than the past couple of years, but fun to look at all the same.

Traveling:
Miles driven in my car: 17115
States lived in: 1
States lived in/been in: 6
Countries visited/lived in: 1
Round-trip plane trips: 1
Amusement parks visited: 0
Times to Utah: 7

Work: 
Jobs held: 1
Hours worked counted towards licensure: 1967
CEUs completed: 26.5
Bosses had: 2

Personal:
Dates went on: 1
Books read: 59
Places lived in: 3
Wards member of: 2
Roommates had: 2
Pets lived with: 4
Cars driven: 1
Car windshields replaced: 1
Journals written in: 2
Blogs posted: 18
Friends on Facebook: 456
Sleep studies completed: 1
CPAP masks tried: 3

Entertainment:
Restaurants visited: 103
Times went out/ordered from restaurants: 147
Movies watched: 47
Plays/musicals attended: 2
Concerts attended: 3
Live comedy shows attended: 1

Spiritual/church:
Callings held: 3 (4, including visiting teacher)
Blessings (including setting aparts) received: 10
Temples/temple grounds visited: 7
Number of initiatories completed: 146
Number of endowments completed: 25
Live sealings attended: 2

101 List:
101 list goals completed: 17
Novels written: 1

Lives touched: ?

But these numbers certainly can't capture what was this year was. It's interesting to compare my "Year According to Facebook Statuses" post to this one. I think I try really hard to be positive on Facebook, and try to not post very many "downer" statuses. And I guess I kind of do the same things with my blog sometimes...try to focus on the happier things, and gloss over some of the harder things. My journal is where I really record more of the bad. On this blog (and on this blog post), it's probably hard to tell how hard this year was (though the 10 blessings I received could be an indication of that). But it was a really crazy year, full of things that I never would have expected, both good and bad. I do have many fond memories of 2014, but also lots that I am ready to leave behind. I am very interested to see what 2015 brings.

2013, By the Numbers

The numbers from this year are a bit different than last year, but fun to look at all the same.

Work:
Jobs held: 1
Hours worked counted towards LCSW: 1908

Traveling:
Miles driven in my car: Approximately 13300
States lived in: 1
States lived in/been in: 5 (and 1 district)
Countries visited/lived in: 1
Round-trip plane trips: 2
Drives round-trip from Boise to Provo: 6 (7 if you add in the one round-trip from Boise to Brigham City)
Amusement parks visited: 0 (Super sad number, I know)

Personal:
Dates went on: 2
Boys I went on dates with this year who are now engaged: 0
Boys I went on dates with this year who are now married: 1
Books read: 70
Wards member of: 1
Roommates had: 1
Cars driven: 4

Spiritual and Church:
Temples/temple grounds visited: 7
Number of times attended the temple for to perform ordinances: 52
Live sealings attended: 2
Callings held: 1 (2 if you count visiting teacher)

101 List:
101 list goals completed: 18
101 list goals in progress: 5

Lives touched: ?

There's so much else to talk about that happened this year, but I'm not sure how to sum it up in numbers. Unfortunately, I'm not sure how to sum it up in words, either. 2013 was hard in so many ways. But this blog post made me smile. And at least I can now say that I got through 2013. I hope to eventually be able to look back and talk about how great 2013 was, but for now... at least I got through it. I know that 2014 is also going to bring on lots of challenges, but I'm hoping I can make 2014 better so that I can say that I loved 2014, challenges at all. So... let's bring it on!

Dates, 5K, Movies, and Other Updates

I feel like this blog has just become my 101 list update blog.  And you pretty much only get an update once a month.  Sorry if that's getting boring.  But here we go anyways.

I was finally able to check off "Go on a date with at least 10 different boys from 10 different states." I was a bit afraid that I wasn't going to be able to do it once I moved to Boise.  I had 9/10 dates in Provo, and it's a bit harder to find non-Idahoans in Boise than it was to find non-Utahans in Provo. But I got set up on a blind date this week and was rather happy to find out that the guy was from a state that I hadn't been on a date with yet.  So I ended up going on a date with guys from California, Louisiana, Idaho, Oregon, Missouri, Texas, Virginia, Colorado, Utah, and Maryland.  I kind of wish I had kept track of where guys I went on dates were from before my 101 list.  Most of the guys I've been on dates from were from more "common" states, but I'm pretty sure that I went on a date with a guy from Alaska during my freshman year of college.  I may have to go back to that journal and verify that.  And then maybe create a sticker chart for it, because sticker charts are awesome and motivating.  (And it's always nice to be able to get a sticker even if the date wasn't all that great.)

Yesterday, I ran the Color Me Rad race, so I was able to check off "run a 5K" from my list. Unfortunately, I'm pretty sure that they lied on the length.  I think it was only somewhere between 2 and 2.5 miles.  If you say something is a 5K, make it a 5K!  But I did run the whole thing (and by run, I mean I didn't walk any of it).  But since it was advertised as a 5K and I prepared for a 5K, I'm counting it.  I may try to run a real one later, though. Anyways, here's a before/after picture for you amusement.  (I'm a bit sad that I didn't get more color on those awesome white capris I found at Deseret Industries.  I bought them specifically for the race.  But now I think I'll just save them for a future tye-dye project.)

Also yesterday, I finished my goal to, "Watch 50 movies I haven't seen before (recommended either by friends or critics)."  (Which, if we're being honest, ended up just being watching 50 movies.  Because I'm sure one of my friends or some critic somewhere liked it.)  The list of movies, for those who are interested (don't judge me if you do choose to look over this list):
Spellbound; The Muppets; The Vow; Forever Strong; Paycheck; Mission: Impossible—Ghost Protocal; In Time; Iron Man; Iron Man 2; Thor; Sliding Doors; Captain America; Court Jester; The Avengers; Lockout; The Three Musketeers; Mirror, Mirror; The Lucky One; Shakespeare in Love (edited); Jurassic Park; Heart and Souls; Nora’s Will (edited); Pretty Woman (edited); Snow White and the Huntsman; Total Recall; Brave; Premium Rush; Stranger than Fiction; Breaking Dawn: Part 1; Breaking Dawn: Part 2; Wreck-it Ralph; Pitch Perfect; Gulliver’s Travels; The Perks of Being a Wallflower; Get Smart; Saint; Oz; Wit; Jack the Giant Slayer; Lincoln; The Host; Torn Curtain; Persuasion; Iron Man 3; The Amazing Spiderman; The Croods: Adventures in Babysitting; Warm Bodies; 42; Oblivion.

In other news, I won stuff this week!  I won a t-shirt from the Color Me Rad race because I changed my profile picture on Facebook to their logo and commented on a post and they selected me as a winner.  And I got a $10 gift card in the mail to Google Play for a Samsung contest that I forgot that I entered.  Score.

I was also feeling liked I needed a change, so I did a slight makeover. And by makeover, I mean I got a haircut.  (And they added a gloss that was supposed to make my hair look richer... I don't know if I can tell a difference on that part.) It ended up being shorter than I expected (I always seem to forget how much my hair naturally curls up), and I'm still adjusting to it.  But I think I like it.  The picture on the left was how I looked when I left the salon.  The picture on the right was of me today, without having styled my hair at all.  Which, if we're being honest, is how I'll be looking most of the time.  I think I like this particular cut better when it's straight, but I don't own a straightener.  Or a curling iron, for that matter.  And if we're being completely honest, I don't have the sort of motivation, time, and energy to style my hair.  (Because in the war between hair and sleep, sleep always wins.)

And I guess it's time to get a bit more real.  Sundays are hard for me.  Probably one my least favorite days of the week.  Which is ridiculous, because Sundays are supposed to be wonderful and restful and uplifting.  But I've overall really struggled with Sundays since coming to Boise.  On top of just knowing that the weekend is almost over and that I have to go back to work the next day, I miss my ward and friends in Provo.  I feel so much pressure from my calling whenever I go to church.  I feel disconnected.  I don't always feel the Spirit.  More often than not, I seem to have to force myself to go to church and then force myself to stay.  I know I need to change my attitude and do some things differently, but it is hard, especially when Boise does still feel temporary for some reason.  But there were some tender mercies today.  Like the girl sitting next to me in Sacrament meeting asking to borrow my program, and giving it back to me with a sweet note telling me I was beautiful.  That did lift my spirit for a bit.  But by the time I went to the chapel for the The Work of Salvation: Worldwide Leadership Training Broadcast (again, forcing myself to stay), I was feeling down. That feeling only intensified when they kept talking about missions and showing the MTC choir and video clips showing full-time missionaries.  When I was making the decision last summer about what to do in my life, for the first time ever, I considered serving a full-time mission.  I even met with my bishop to discuss starting my papers.  But I wasn't getting a feeling like it was definitely what I should do and I decided to pursue starting my career instead. Shortly thereafter, things fell into place for my job and the move to Boise.  I've been very blessed. But two days after I made the decision to take the job, move, and start my career, the historic announcement to lower the missionary age came.  Missionary work started being on everybody's minds.  But I moved forward with my decision.  There have been many times since then that I wondered if I made the right choice.  Besides just wondering if I should have stayed in Provo and taken the other job I was offered, I also kept wondering if I should I have chosen to serve a mission. This feeling has only intensified as I read updates from my friends on missions every week, see my friends home from their missions talk to their investigators on Facebook and hear stories about how their missions has blessed their lives, listen to talks about missionaries in General Conference, and then this broadcast.  I was really wondering if I made a mistake in deciding to stay.  Am I being selfish in choosing to not go?  And, to be honest, I sometimes feel a bit of social pressure like I should have gone.  Not coming from the church itself... they've made it very clear that it's up to the individual sister.  But with I almost feel like there's some peer pressure from all the girls going and from the guys who now seem to expect girls to serve missions.  Maybe that's all in my head, but sometimes it does seem like the sisters going on missions look down on those of us who haven chosen differently.  And on some dates, I've been asked if I served a mission and the implied response seems to be a judgmental, "Why not?" when I tell them I haven't.  I do worry about my future children not getting as much as they can from me because I didn't have the experience of serving a mission.  I even worry about myself not growing the way that I should... I know how much I learned and grew from being an EFY counselor last summer.  That was like a mini-mission in a way.  A mission would be that times a thousand and I could only see it blessing me and my future family and whoever I come in contact with.  I know those aren't great reasons to serve a mission, but that's how I was feeling for the first half hour or so of the broadcast.  But then, they had an amazing musical number with a video attached.  Click here to see the broadcast, and the song/video starts around 37:45 or so.  For those of you who choose not to watch it (though you really should), it's a choir singing, "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go."  Which is traditionally, a missionary song, at least in my mind.  But the video depicted a family going about in their daily lives, touching those around them and being member missionaries in their own way.  

That video was an answer to a prayer I didn't even realize I had.  And I know I will likely still have some doubts about whether I'm supposed to be here.  (I seem to have doubts a lot... I'm trying to replace my fear with faith, though.  It's a work in progress.)  But for now, for me, the call to "Go Where You Want Me to Go" is more like "I'll Stay Where You Want Me to Stay."  I need to bloom where I'm planted.  I'm in Boise for a reason and I need to make the most of it and touch the lives of those I meet here, and not wonder "what if."  I'm trying to stay close to the Lord and if I do, He will not lead me astray.

Review of 2012, by the Numbers

As much as I don't love math, I kind of like numbers. So, you get another year-in-review post... this time with some numbers that sum up some parts of my past year, in some way or another. (Whew! Lots of sums/somes in that sentence. Sorry about that.) Get excited.

Traveling:
Miles traveled: 22200+
States lived in: 2
States lived in/been in: 12
Countries visited: 4 (5 including US)
Plane trips: 7
Amusement parks visited: 6

School and Work:
Degrees earned: 1
Licensing tests taken (and passed): 2
EFY sessions worked: 6
Jobs held: 4
Jobs applied for when looking for my full-time job: 30+
Interviews attended when looking for my full-time job: 9

Personal:
Dates went on: 12
Boys I went on dates with this year who are now engaged: 3
Books read: 79
Wards member of: 2
Roommates had: 4
Roommates had including EFY weeks: 18
Plays/musicals/operas attended: 8
Cars test driven: 10
Missionaries written: 20+

Spiritual:
Temples/temple grounds visited: 12
Temple open houses attended: 3
Ensigns read: 12

101 List:
101 list goals completed: 28
101 list goals in progress: 9
Novels written: 1 (definitely had to highlight that out of all the goals I did, because that was awesome)

Lives touched: ?

But these numbers definitely don't paint the full picture that was my life in 2012. 2012 was full of surprises and ups and downs and lots of things happened that I never really would have expected. I never would have guessed that I'd ever live in Idaho, but here I am. Never thought I'd be working for the company I do, but (once again), here I am. I've really had to adjust my life plans in several different ways. I had to grow in ways I never thought I would and that (in some cases), I'm still trying to figure out how I feel about it all. But I have grown and learned a lot. And going over some of these numbers (as well as my previous post, with my Facebook statuses), helps me to remember some of the awesome things I did this year, as some of the harder things I went through. I'm really interested to see what 2013 brings.

My Year in Facebook Statuses- 2012 Edition

(Obligatory end-of-the-year post.)

I saved all my Facebook statuses in a Word Document for the last year, and it was definitely fun for me to review it and remember some of the things that happened this year. Hope you enjoy it, as well.

January
•‎2011 was a great year overall, but I feel like 2012 is going to be my best year yet. It won't be without its challenges, for sure, but it'll be a fantastic year nonetheless. Bring. It. On.
•My body is rebelling against getting back into work and school mode.
•‎15 letters later... I'm finally caught up on writing missionaries! Whew!
•Just got a letter from my 12-year-old self. To whatever teacher made me do that and then kept it for 10 years before mailing it... thank you. That was one of the most hilarious things I've read in a while.
•Sometimes being a therapist is really hard.
•Won the Sunday challenge.

February
•Going to bed just after 10pm. What is WRONG with me? (Oh yeah... I'm exhausted...)
•To all those who have been asking me what I'm doing after graduation, I finally have an answer... I'm going to be an EFY counselor! (Just don't ask what I'm doing after July 21. I still have no idea.)
•Heart-shaped pizzas are cool and all... But it's kind of depressing when you have to cut them up to eat them.
•Just got surprised by one of my best friends, who I haven't seen for almost three years. Definitely made me smile. So fun!
•In honor of Fat Tuesday and giving up desserts for Lent, I am currently eating the world's second greatest gift. And then I'll finish it off with a Krispy Kreme. :-)
•The first EFY counselor training was awesome. I'm getting more and more excited for this summer!
•In case anybody was wondering, roller derbies are AWESOME!
•Just ordered my cap, gown, hood, and announcements. Maybe I will make it to graduation, after all!
•I'm allowed to get excited over my half birthday, since I only get it once every four years. (Happy half birthday to me!)

March
•Sometimes 10:30pm IHOP runs turn into suddenly getting home at 1am and realizing you're not tired anymore. Work tomorrow (today?) is going to be interesting...
•Least favorite Sunday of the year. I hate getting even less sleep than normal.
•How the heck have none of my friends said, "Beware the ides of March" yet today? C'mon people!
•Note to self: Always have good friends around who are good with cars.
•Smoothies and scrabble for a lunch party at work today. (I love my internship.) :-)
•Seeing some of my friends posting about registering for fall classes is weirding me out a little since this is the first time in years I'm not registering for classes. (And I'm not ever registering for classes again...)

April
•Rappelling for class is so much better than having a lecture.
•Passed the ASWB Clinical Exam! (I feel such a huge sense of relief right now.) So when I graduate in two weeks, I not only get my MSW degree, I walk across the stage as a CSW. Bam! :-)
•I'm learning so much about cars by having mine break down. At least I have friends that can educate me and then fix it.
•"The pain of loneliness, disappointment, despair, and heartache is actually carving reservoirs into your soul that will later be filled with joy."
•Just finished my last final ever and I graduate with my MSW next week. (I don't think either fact has truly hit me yet.)
•Just finished my last day at LDS Family Services. I'm going to miss working there so much!
•Dating/marriage advice from Uncle Scott: "Parts for a Corolla are easy to find... parts for a Ferrari are harder." Gotta love family get-togethers (and being graduated)!
•Aaaaaand.... cruise is booked. The Caribbean better be ready for the party Julie and I are going to bring in a month!
•Kansas City BBQ was delicious! And made even better by being with friends. Also, my grades for the last semester are in. I won't quite be graduating with the GPA I want, but I'll still be getting my MSW. I'll take it. A good night thus far, I'd say.
•Back safely in Provo after almost missing my connection and experiencing the most turbulence I've ever had in my life. My time in Kansas was way too short. But... Now I just must let the summer fun continue!
•I feel so smart watching the teen version of Jeopardy. I actually know the answers!

May
•Donated blood for the first time ever today... And I survived. Definitely got rather lightheaded and nauseous, though. Had to have a compress on my head, a fan turned on me, cold water to sip on, and a barf bag nearby just in case. Oops. Oh well.
•Got to play around on a harp today! It was so fun. :-)
•Just saw a bunch of EFY kids getting snow cones during their free time. I'm so excited to be a counselor in a few weeks! Now if only I could just learn the orientation dance. It's way more complicated than I'd like...

June
•Mexico, Belize, Honduras, Grand Cayman, and Orlando were all awesome, but I'm so excited to finally be home and in my own bed! (Though I won't be able to enjoy my own bed for long... EFY starts in just a few days!)
•Happy anniversary to my wonderful and amazing parents. I can only hope one day to have as strong and loving marriage as you two do.
•I love it when Thursday nights at EFY completely make up for all the craziness that happens during the rest of the week. And while I am excited to catch up on some sleep next week during my week off, I'm going to miss this so much.

July
•Convertibles make me so happy. :-)
•Watching fireworks from a rooftop? Yes, please!
•I'm going to miss being an EFY counselor so much. I just want to do this forever. Forget this whole getting a "real job" thing. Haha. ...But seriously.
•While I miss Team Tall Tees, I'm so excited to be with the Midwest team in Kirtland this week! It's going to be fantastic. Sad it's already my last week of EFY, though. Where has the summer gone?
•A ton of girl counselors I'm working with this week have served missions, have their mission calls, or are putting in their papers. I've also interacted with several sister missionaries at church sites we've visited this week and during our EFY service project. During this time, I've realized how much I love hearing their stories of how they decided to serve missions. So to my sister RM friends, or to my girl friends who are preparing to serve or have their calls... What's your story? I'd love to hear it! (Feel free to message it to me if it's too personal to share in a comment.)
•After two awesome days at Cedar Point, Epic Road Trip: Ohio Edition continues... as we head to Nauvoo. :-)
•Home, home, home, home, home! I have to leave in less than 43 hours again, but it's so nice to be back for this brief amount of time. (I'm especially looking forward to sleeping in my own bed for two whole nights!) :-)

August
•I can't believe EFY is over. Those six weeks were some of the craziest, hardest, most emotional, and yet most fulfilling and fun weeks of my life. Thanks to everybody who made it such a great experience!
•Note to self: a dream about forgetting about a test is just as scary when you're out of school as it was when you were in school.
•Truths affirmed this evening: 1. I am a klutz. 2. Tubing is awesome. 3. I bruise way too easily.
•Advantage of my family moving to Orange County? Being able to play at Disneyland for a day when visiting them. — at Downtown Disney.
•"The Lord is intent on your personal growth and development. That progress is accelerated when you willingly allow Him to lead you through every growth experience you encounter, whether initially it be to your individual liking or not. When you trust in the Lord, when you are willing to let your heart and your mind be centered in His will, when you ask to be led by the Spirit to do His will, you are assured of the greatest happiness along the way and the most fulfilling attainment from this mortal experience. If you question everything you are asked to do, or dig in your heels at every unpleasant challenge, you make it harder for the Lord to bless you.” —Elder Richard G. Scott ("Finding Joy in Life")
•First time since fall 1994 that school has started and I'm not there. Weird. So I instead went to the gym for the first time in three months and somehow survived the hour-long Zumba class (but man, I'm out of shape). Next up on the agenda? Cleaning. Then going out to lunch with a friend. And job searching. And TV watching. And reading. Oh, the life of an unemployed graduate.

September
•Definitely got burned at the game today. Oops. Oh well. It was worth it. :-)
•Well... That was an incredibly hard game to watch. But I'm still proud of my Cougars. Now let's come back stronger next week.
•Regional Conference was wonderful and just what I needed. I'm so grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!
•Looks like I'll be up in Boise for an interview next week. For those familiar with the area, any suggestions of things to see/do while up there? Keep in mind that I'll also be evaluating Boise as a place to live, so any suggestions/comments geared towards that would also be appreciated.

October
•Anybody have an extra ticket to the BYU game this weekend? My dad's coming into town and it'd be a lot of fun to have him join me!
•After lots of crying, prayer, getting the worst night's sleep since recovering from my jaw surgery over 4 years ago, and more crying and prayer... I made a major life-changing decision. I have accepted a job position Boise and Nampa (Idaho). My head is still reeling from all of this. I'm really going to miss Provo and the people in it. It's been home for over 5 years... The longest I've lived anywhere in my life. But as I move forward with this decision, I'm feeling better and better about it and I'm excited to start this next chapter of my life.
•Funny quote from yesterday: "Colette, President Eyring moved to Idaho when he didn't really want to." Thanks, Dad. I hope Idaho is as good for me as it was for him. I still have my freak-out moments about moving, but suddenly being inundated with e-mails from my new co-workers welcoming me to the team does help calm me down.
•Ok, guys. This move to Boise is really happening. Anybody in the Provo/Orem area willing to donate some boxes to the cause?
•It's my last night in Provo and my roommate is throwing me a little going-away party. It's hard for me to keep track of who's in the area and who isn't, so I can't really send out individual invites. But if you can see this, it means you're invited! Come, come, come, come, come!
•Sorry for the first snow of the year, guys. Provo is just wishing me goodbye and is in mourning.

November
•My Idaho driver's license came in the mail today. Weird. I also got a new phone number with an Idaho area code. Double weird. I guess I really am an Idaho resident now. Anyways... Let me know if you want the number!
•Cereal. The dinner of champions.
•Got my first big-girl paycheck today! Definitely exciting. Now let's not just think about how I'm now paying more in taxes than what my gross pay was in some past jobs...
•A bit of a rough weekend in some ways, but also full of many tender mercies... including being able to go to two different sessions of the rededication of the Boise temple today. I am so blessed to live so incredibly close to a House of the Lord and am so grateful that the temple is now once again dedicated so that I can go and receive the blessings waiting for me there.
•Crazy, crazy, crazy day at work. My job definitely keeps me on my toes. But I'm loving it overall, anyways. Plus, I got my business cards today! I feel so professional.
•‎"I have learned that the bitter, almost unbearable pain can become sweet as you turn to your Father in Heaven and plead for His comfort that comes through His plan; His Son, Jesus Christ; and His Comforter, who is the Holy Ghost... I testify that because of Him, even our Savior, Jesus Christ, those feelings of sorrow, loneliness, and despair will one day be swallowed up in a fulness of joy. I testify that we can depend on Him and when He said: “I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you..."... I testify that, as stated in Preach My Gospel, “as we rely on the Atonement of Jesus Christ, He can help us endure our trials, sicknesses, and pain. We can be filled with joy, peace, and consolation. All that is unfair about life can be made right through the Atonement of Jesus Christ.”" --Elder Shayne M. Bowen, “Because I Live, Ye Shall Live Also”
•After 3 months, 7 visits to the DMV and countless phone calls, my car is FINALLY fully registered! Can I please cry tears of happiness now?
•Just won NaNoWriMo! Bam. It ended up being pretty fun, though my plot and characters weren't the best or most original. (But that's beside the point.) I forgot how therapeutic writing for fun can be for me. Let's hope I can keep some of this creativity up, and not just have it reappear every November. :-)

December
•Finally got up the courage to try to donate blood again and was rejected. I have to wait until the beginning of June (a year after my cruise) to donate. Let's hope I can convince myself to try again. But traveling is awesome, even when it may put you at risk for malaria.
•Just bought a space heater for my room. Best investment I've made in quite some time.
•I feel so accomplished. Passed the ASWB Masters Exam that I had to take because I moved to Idaho and finished all my Christmas shopping. And it's only 11:30! Next on the list: going to the dollar theater and Olive Garden. And just having a great day. :-)
•"Our Heavenly Father is aware of our needs and will help us as we call upon Him for assistance. I believe that no concern of ours is too small or insignificant. The Lord is in the details of our lives." -President Thomas S. Monson
•I wasn't going to make it home for dinner before FHE, so I asked my roommate to bring me an apple, so that I wouldn't starve. She decided that I also needed some protein, so she brought me some muddy buddies, too. This roommate situation is working out quite well. :-)
•I made it all last winter without falling on ice, but totally biffed it this morning (in a skirt, no less), after the first real snowfall. I think that sums up 2012 quite nicely... lots of surprises! It'll definitely be interesting to see what 2013 brings.

More 101 List Accomplishments

It's been a while since I updated my blog about how my 101 list is going. And I've actually accomplished a few more of my goals!

Find a job I love
Maybe love is a bit excessive. But I am enjoying my job and so I'm counting it as done, especially since I don't see myself leaving it for quite some time. My job is not without its ups and downs and joys and frustrations... but what job where you work with people isn't like that? It's definitely rewarding, though. And I love the people that I work with.

Read every article in each copy of the Ensign for a year
Very uplifting goal that I'm happy I accomplished. I need to continue with reading at least some of the articles each month. But I should probably read the whole thing each month, when I can...there are sometimes hidden gems in there that I would have missed out on, if I hadn't actually read the whole magazine each month.

Go on at least one date a month for a year
This was hard. I almost gave up completing it several different times, including almost not going on a date in December. But, with my dad's help, I was able to go on a blind date yesterday and was able to pull it off. So now that's done. Some of the dates were a blast, some weren't so great. But at least I can say that I did it. I don't plan on asking anybody on any dates any time soon, which means I likely won't be dating at all any time soon. And for now, I'm okay with that. Though I do need to still go on at least one more date to accomplish another one of my 101 goals. But I'm definitely not putting any pressure on myself to work on that goal right now.

Start an IRA
This was pretty easy once I started my job, since I was able to easily set one up with them and even get it taken out of my paycheck each month. Yay for saving money easily!

Go to an away BYU football or basketball game
This one was a blast. My dad and I went to the Poinsettia Bowl that BYU played (and beat SDSU) in. It was better than I expected this goal to go. I thought I'd just go to some low-key game. But it was a blast being surrounded with a bunch of other BYU fans in a huge stadium, especially when BYU did pull off a win.

How car shopping/buying is like dating/marriage

So... I got a new car. A 2013 Hyundai Elantra Limited. It's pretty sweet. But anyone that knows anything about this knows what a process it was for me to get this car. I test drove 10 different cars over the course of a few months. But then, even once I decided on the Elantra, more decisions had to be made. It really stressed me out... To the point that I wasn't really even sure if I wanted to get a new car. My current car (Squeekers, a 1998 Toyota Avalon) was fine. Sure, he had over 245,000 miles on him. And his turning radius was pretty awful. And the MPG definitely could've been better. But he got me where I needed to go. He was comfortable and spacious. And I had so many great memories with him. Why would I need something else? But I did get a new car. And somehow, I drew parallels to dating and marriage. (Am I a dork? Oh well.) So here are some of my observations about car shopping and buying. Not all of them may fit with the dating/marriage idea (and who knows how accurate some of these are, since it's not like I have much personal experience in dating or marriage), but I'm sharing them anyways. Because the idea of this post makes me smile.

For me, I had to do a bit of research before I started test driving. I had to figure out what was a must have for me (good MPG and cruise control) and what's nice to have (Bluetooth) and what I couldn't stand (truly compact cars... I need my space). But you can only research for so long before you have to start going on test drives. That's where you get some more invaluable information to add to these lists. Like I discovered that I can't stand uncomfortable seats... even if they're the back seats (I want my passengers to enjoy the trip, too). And I realized I liked sportier feeling cars. I got so used to my slightly clunkier Toyota Avalon, that I didn't really realize that steering could be a bit easier. And that was nice. Going along with that, I had to figure out what quirks I was okay with (a car not having the best suspension in the world) and what quirks I wasn't (ugly interiors). Some of those qualities are things I never would have figured out if I hadn't actually gone out with the car for a drive. Or I at least wouldn't have really known it mattered until I went on a drive.

Some cars you take on a test drive and you know immediately that it isn't a fit. This happened to me a few different times when test driving and I couldn't wait to get back to the dealership to either try a new car or go to a different dealership. The car was fine, but for some reason, I could tell it wasn't for me... though it'd easily be a great car for someone else.

Some cars sound good on paper and not in actuality. There were a few cars I was super excited to test drive since they sounded so good from my research. But once I was with the actual car... it wasn't right for me. And the opposite can also be true. A car may sound not-that-great on paper or based on your perceptions and stereotypes, but is great in person.

Test driving cars can actually be pretty dang fun. Though other times it's not as fun because you don't like the car quite as much as you wanted to. Oh well.

Unfortunately, there is no perfect car. But that's okay. You need to find what works and what doesn't work for you and find the best fit for you.

You may freak out when you find a car that fits so well that you then question if it could really be the right one- so you immediately try out some others. Um... this happened with me with the Elantra. After trying a few different cars and nothing working out, I was surprised how much I liked the Elantra. But that made me wonder if that really was the car for me. How could something fit so well? That couldn't be right. So instead of buying the car, I immediately wanted to test drive more cars. I was definitely overthinking things. (I apologize, future husband, for the fact that this most likely will occur with you.)

Not to make a post about cars spiritual or anything, but I definitely made the decision about my with my mind AND heart. It had to make sense in my head, but I also had to love it. The Elantra was the only car that fit that bill for me.

Sometimes the thing you fall in love with is completely different than you originally thought. Honestly, I didn't like the Elantra to begin with. I didn't really like its look and I was a bit weirded out my its handling to begin with (since I was super used to Squeekers). I pictured driving something more like Squeekers... except updated. But I ended up loving the Elantra.

Picking a car can require quite a bit of patience and perseverance. But it can still happen faster than expected. I got so frustrated driving and researching cars. I wanted to give up. But it finally worked out. And then I suddenly had a car that I love. Whoo!

Sometimes you just have to ignore what others say and go with your choice. I definitely had friends who tried to convince me to not get an Elantra. That made me doubt myself for a while. I took their advice into account, but ultimately, I had to do what was right for me.

However, sometimes you need to let others' opinions influence you. Sometimes others have a different perspective and can see something you don't because you're too close to the issue personally. They can also let you know when you're overthinking things. (I didn't overthink AT ALL with the Elantra *cough*lie*cough*)

Sometimes people know what would fit you well and sometimes they don't. My dad actually suggested that I try the Elantra when I first was looking at cars and I resisted. I eventually gave in and loved it. Another friend told me to try the Honda CRV. Hated it. Didn't fit me at all. (Moral of the story? I should listen to my dad... even if none of the blind dates he's set me up with have actually worked out thus far. Haha.)

Once you make a decision, you need to stick with it. I kept wavering with my decision about the Elantra. But without making a decision, I couldn't move forward. I was stuck. But I did move forward. And even though it was scary, and even though I was still freaking out about my choice for a bit after I got the car, it was a great decision. I'm so happy with it. And as my dad predicted, I am falling a bit more in love with it every day.

But it isn't necessarily all sunshine and roses once you get the new car. Though it's awesome, there are definitely adjustments. The cruise control isn't where you're used to it being. You can't quite figure out exactly where your seat and mirrors should be placed because it's not already fit for you like you're used to. You can't figure out how to adjust the temperature or how to connect your phone to the car's Bluetooth. And it's a pain to figure out new insurance polices and pricing. Bur you are able to figure it out eventually and grow used to it and love it. And, of course, there are also some fun, pleasant surprises. Like suddenly remembering you have a sunroof! Or using the seat warmers when you're cold. And basically realizing how spoiled you are by having such an awesome car and wondering how on earth you got to be so blessed.

Me in my car!

Outside of my car when it was at the dealership.

Inside of car.
Also... My Elantra still needs a name. Any ideas?

I don't go on dates with guys with girlfriends

I feel like I shouldn't have to say that. But apparently, I do.

Today, I was asked on a date by a guy who was already dating someone else. This same thing happened with another guy last summer. In both cases, I was friends with the guy who asked me and had gone on a date with him before (when he wasn't dating anyone). I want to give the guys the benefit of the doubt because I can kind of see how lines get blurred when you're friends with each other and nothing else is happening between the two of you.

But I turned both of them down.

I almost make it a policy to not turn guys down when they ask me on dates. I know how hard it is to ask people out on dates since I do it relatively often myself, so I have respect for guys who do have the courage to ask me out (especially since being asked out happens so rarely for me).

But really?

I almost feel like I was in the wrong since this guy today almost seemed hurt that I turned him down. Or at least confused... Especially because he had apparently already cleared it with his girlfriend, since we had tentatively set up the date before he started going out with her.

But I am NOT in the wrong here. I feel like this should be common sense for guys. When you start dating someone, stop going on dates with other girls. Continue hanging with your girl friends if you want to. (I actually hate it when I lose my guy friends because they start dating people, so please still be my friend.)

But please. If you're a guy and you're dating someone who isn't me, don't ask me on a date because I'll have to turn you down. And I hate having to turn you down.

However... if you do break up with her and I'm still single... I would be more than happy to take you up on that date offer. :-)

Patiently Persistent

In my internship class, we are reading Elder Bednar's book Increase In Learning. We read it for homework, and then we discuss in class how it applies to our lives and the lives of our clients.

I'm not going to lie... it's a pretty deep book. Lots to learn and consider. But I love discussing it with my classmates and teacher. I learn a lot as people talk about their experiences and how what we're reading applies to them. It's awesome. Today, we were discussing Chapter 3: "Prayerful Inquiry: Asking, Seeking, and Knocking." It's a kind of timely discussion for me. As I approach graduation, I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life and that's a little scary. I've definitely been praying about it, but I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to do. And reading this chapter made me think about approaching my prayers in a different way. To be more active in my prayers and doing my part. The Lord isn't going to help me if I don't help myself. He's not just going to give me a job that I don't search and apply for. I mean... I already knew that, but I definitely haven't been acting in that as much as I should. And so that idea definitely stood out to me as I read the chapter over the weekend.

But what struck me the most in class today was when somebody pointed out that there was a quote from the book that said, "The persistence highlighted in the preceding verses should be complemented with patience and long-suffering." In my personal reading of the chapter, I hadn't caught that. So when my classmate started talking about what that meant I was dumbstruck by it. I actually took the discussion back to that because it seriously blew my mind and I needed to discuss it further.

In my mind, persistence and patience have always been on completely opposite sides of the spectrum. You do one or the other. Never both. I'm either pursuing something relentlessly or I'm sitting around and doing nothing (which is sometimes how I think of patience... even though I know that's not right). It's very dichotomous to me. But that's not actually how it works. We're supposed to be patient AND persistent. At the same time. They WORK TOGETHER! This is a total and complete paradigm shift for me. I don't get how this works. How can I do both?

But as I thought about it more, I realized that I already do in some ways. In a silly example, I have already started to do this in dating. I found that I was either super persistent in pursuing certain boys or doing nothing ("being patient" as I waited for guys to come and pursue me). But this year, because I was sick of how my dating life was going, I set a goal to on a date a month. This has forced me to get out of my comfort zone a bit and be a bit persistent in some ways. But I also know to be patient in knowing that the timing may not be right for what I want to have happen. I need to do my part (persistence), but I need to trust in the Lord to do His part (patience, as I "wait on the Lord").

This also fits in with my clients. Lots of them have been doing the same thing over and over and over (persistence), but then they give up because it's not working. Or they sit around doing nothing ("patience") without doing their part to make it better. They need both the persistence and the patience working together to make effective life changes.

This also fits into my life as I'm trying to figure out what I'm doing after graduation. I can't just sit around and expect that a job is going to fall into my lap ("patience"). I need to be actively looking for jobs, networking, and applying (persistence). It can be discouraging, but that's where the patience comes in. Not finding the perfect job I'm envisioning when I'm doing my part may mean that I need to wait a bit longer to find that job. Or it might mean that maybe what I think would be the perfect job may not actually be the perfect job and I need to expand my horizons a bit. The patience and persistence work together.

This may seem like a silly blog post because I really don't think this idea is as big to other people as it is to me. The rest of my classmates actually seemed kind of amused that this was such a big deal to me. Nobody probably understands why my mind has been blown as I realized this and as I'm trying to figure out how it all fits together. (I still don't even get why this was such a big deal to me.) I mean, it's such a basic concept, but it really hit me today for some reason... so I thought I'd share.

But seriously. Whoa.

Tender Mercies

I had a really rough few days earlier this week. Nothing was really wrong, but I kind of felt like everything was falling apart. I was completely overwhelmed with work and school and it was the first time that I ever doubted my ability to complete the MSW program. I doubted my ability to ever really help anybody in my chosen field and felt like a terrible therapist. I didn't think I could ever pass my licensing exam, so the last couple years of my life would be a waste. I felt like I had no down time, to the point that I wasn't even really making food for myself or getting good sleep. And though I was getting 6-7 hours of sleep a night, I was always utterly exhausted. I was incredibly frustrated with boys and my lack of ability to get a date (or even have certain guys talk to me) and my catastrophic thinking quickly led me to the "fact" that I'll never get married. I started doubting a lot of things and I felt alone and helpless. It was not a fun place to be in.

But I am so grateful for the Lord's tender mercies that got me through those few days. For friends who offered hugs and listening ears and who didn't judge me when I was in tears. Who were comfortable just sitting with me in silence or who tried to make me smile by cracking a joke (sometimes at their own expense). For friends who want to fix things, and feel awful if they can't, but who do the small things they can do to help (and those things help more than they'll ever understand). For wonderful guy friends that are worthy priesthood holders and who can give blessings at the exact moment I need one, even if they aren't wearing a typical white shirt and tie. For roommates who make me food because I barely have time to eat (let alone actually make something) and who don't snap at me, even when I'm being a brat and probably deserve a talking-to.

And I'm grateful for the Lord's timing. I struggle with that sometimes. I'm a planner and like knowing where I'll be and what I'll be doing. Not knowing where I'm going to be after graduation has kind of thrown me for a loop. Some people have told me that I'm so lucky that I'm not tied down after graduation, because that means I can go anywhere or do anything. And I guess they're right. But it kind of terrifies me, because that means that I DO have so many options. What if I pick the wrong one? What if I can't figure out where I'm supposed to be? I feel like I'm walking in this dark tunnel with just a little light, praying to have more light, so I'll know where to go. And this week, I was able to get a bit more light in that tunnel and now can see at least a few more steps ahead. I still don't really know what I'll be when I grow up, but I do know what I'm doing this summer (just don't ask me what I'm doing after July 21 because then I'll be back to trying to figure out my life). I was accepted to be an EFY counselor this summer. I haven't officially accepted the contracts yet (because I had a couple of questions with the hiring office that I need clarified first), but I'm planning to accept all of them- 1 in St. George, 3 in Salt Lake, and 1 Kirtland. I've always wanted to be an EFY counselor, and I still am having a hard time believing that I will be. Part of me is a bit sad that I won't be around and hanging out with my roommates all summer. But I am so excited to be able to be a counselor. And I feel calm. I know I'm doing the right thing in moving forward with this. If there is even one person that I am able to help draw closer to the Lord, it will have been worth it (even if that one person is me... though I really am hoping to help my groups). And I know that the Lord will continue to direct me in my life. He's led me to the MSW program, to this ward with these roommates, to my internships, and now to be an EFY counselor. Because of all these experiences, I know that He will lead me to the correct job after that. That is such a big comfort to me and I am so grateful for it.

Things still aren't perfect. My problems and feelings from this week didn't magically go away. But I am so grateful for the tender mercies I have been experiencing and that I know I will continue to experience. I am so blessed.

In Which I Fail at Flirting

I went to a lecture on campus this evening for a class assignment. I was playing around on my phone and a guy asked if he could sit next to me, explaining he needed an aisle seat. I said sure and continued playing around on my phone. After a few minutes, he tried making some small talk and we talked a bit, but I didn't really try too hard. In the middle of that, I saw one of my friends and waved her over and she ended up sitting on the other side of me. I talked to her until the lecture started. About 20 minutes into the lecture, I started thinking about the conversation I had with this guy and realized he was really nice. And then I glanced over at him and realized he was actually kind of cute and wished I hadn't been so preoccupied with my phone earlier. I started thinking of things I could say to him, but couldn't come up with anything. And then he left before the lecture was over, so I never got to say another word to him. Definite flirting fail. I didn't even have to initiate! He tried! I'm just boy illiterate, apparently.

Oh well. You live and you learn.

Friend Zoned

I came home recently and my roommate told me that she had a surprise for me. She directed me to close my eyes and hold out my hands. I felt her place something in my hands, then she directed me to open my eyes. I looked down, and I was holding The Fine Art of Flirting. I laughed, because it's a joke in my apartment that I really have no idea how to flirt. It's kind of a problem. I automatically friend zone myself before I even realize what has happened. And once you're there... you can't really get out. (Or maybe that's just me.)

And yes... sometimes being friend zoned sucks. It's hard to hear a guy you like tell you about the girl that he likes and the dates he's going on. It's even harder to have a guy you like tell you about how he just kissed this girl he likes and now they're dating (true story... I definitely cried a bit on the phone as he told me that, but luckily, he couldn't tell). And as much as it sucks sometimes, I generally even actively put myself in the friend zone by asking guys I like about girls they're dating and encouraging them to pursue them. Why?

I've come to the realization that I'm much more comfortable being friend zoned that being anywhere near being in a relationship. I can talk to people all day about their relationship problems. I'm a therapist. It's what I do. I can be a listening ear to guys talking about how they're not sure if this girl or that girl likes them or I can give suggestions when they ask for dating ideas. But actually tell a guy that I'm interested? Never! That's making myself vulnerable. Why on earth would I do that? (If comfort and vulnerability seem to be a theme in this post, I apologize. I've been working on some blog posts about those subjects for a while, but I haven't published them yet since I'm still working out my thoughts about them... but they've been on my mind a lot).

I know this is an issue I need to get over. I need to figure this out and get in a relationship some day. And I'm trying to. I have a goal to go on a date every month this year. (I've already lost my motivation for that, though. Which is problematic.) But for now, I'm much more comfortable not really knowing how to flirt and instead simply being friend zoned and not really going on dates unless I ask (I'm in control that way). So thanks for the book, Sara. I'm sure it will provide a few laughs. But I'm not ready for it.

2011: A Year in Review

So... I'm going to be totally cliche (cuz that's how I roll) and post a list of some highlights from 2011. I wish I had my old journals so I could remember more things, but my memory (and old Facebook statuses) will have to do.

• Lots of classes and learning... and still maintaining about a 3.7 GPA in grad school (definitely not as good as undergrad, but that's okay... radical acceptance)
• Falling in love with my crockpot
• Seeing many friends leave on missions and many friends come back
• Practicing speaking up for myself when dealing with a roommate not following BYU standards and a landlord that wasn't doing anything about it (and who later was a jerk about returning my deposit)
• Losing 20 pounds
• Giving up desserts and chocolate for 85 days (and surviving!)
• Doing an internship at the Utah State Hospital in the Girls Youth unit
• Going on the first date I've been asked on in over two years (I'd been on other dates, but I always asked or it was a blind date)
• Flour fights and mocktails
• Memorial Day shopping at the Park City outlets
• Wandering around Salt Lake with friends
• Delta for Fourth of July
• Summer of concerts: Nik Day, Earthfest, Mat Kearney/Owl City, The Decemberists, Josh Groban
• Tucanos (three times!)
• Getting a full-tuition scholarship for my second year of grad school
• Sleepover with people in cohort and sleepover with people in the ward
• Realizing it is possible for a guy to like me as more than a friend
• Realizing how much I appreciate physical touch when I care about someone... yay cuddling!
• Stargazing
• Sunday dinners, ward prayers, and game nights
• Wedding receptions of several friends
• Sundance full-moon ski lift
• Farmer's market
• New York with Sara
• Hawaii with my family
• Playing in the rain
• Moving into an apartment with three girls that I knew previously-- a new experience for me
• Getting several massages
• Several different church callings... FHE "Mom," ward prayer co-chair, and Sunday School teacher
• Staying up way too late with roommates
• Plant marble fights
• Working at LDS Family Services and actually sometimes feeling like a legit therapist
• Presenting my Master's Research Project at a national conference in Orlando (also going to Universal Studios and Harry Potter World while there)
• Thanksgiving in Vegas
• Christmas in southern California
• Squeekers hitting 240,000 miles and still going strong

There were also some low lights, but there's no real need to include those. Trying to focus on the positives here. 2011 really was a good year overall. But I'm going to try to make 2012 even better!