Introvert vs. Extrovert

Today, in my leadership class, we were talking about self-awareness and how vital that is as a leader. As part of the class, we took a brief Myers-Briggs inventory on the section about extrovert versus introverts. Some people in my class were shocked that I had 6 questions marked as the "introverted response" and only 1 marked as the "extroverted response." They apparently don't see me that way. And that's because I can be extroverted when I need to be. I can be quite talkative with people that I'm close to (and after spending over a year and a half with the people in my cohort, I've become quite close to them). But deep down, I am an introvert.

I was so shy when I was little. I much preferred reading in my room to playing with friends every day. That's not necessarily a bad thing. But my wise parents knew that I would need to grow and stretch a little and become a bit more extroverted in order to accomplish things in life. As such, they forced me to talk to strangers (in safe situations, of course). They made me order food for myself at restaurants and wouldn't let me rely on them. I had to talk to people in the ward or to my teachers at school. Sometimes, my parents would stand back and be there for moral support, so I wouldn't have to do it all by myself, but I still had to be the one to do the talking. I vividly remember being at McDonald's once with my family. We had already eaten, but I really wanted an apple pie for dessert. My parents said I could get one, but that I had to order it myself. They handed me the dollar, but I almost handed it back. Ordering for myself wasn't worth it. But I finally went over and ordered myself. My parents were proud of me and I was proud of myself.

I'm really grateful they did that and many other things like that over the years. I'm also grateful that I've willingly put myself out there personally to learn and grow in various situations and leadership positions. I've definitely come out of my shell some since I was younger. I can talk to people relatively easily when I need to. I can make small talk at parties and have come away as friends with some of those people I have met. As a social worker, I need to quickly establish rapport with my clients. I can do that. But I'm still not an extrovert. (Well... introverts and extroverts are on a continuum. But I am definitely a bit more on the introvert side.) And last week, that was highlighted to me.

Last Thursday, I was in yoga class at the gym and was struggling to do some of the poses and I almost started crying. I was wondering why I was almost in tears. The fact that I am not as flexible or strong as pretty much everyone else in the class is not a big deal. I can handle that. It gets annoying and frustrating at times, but I can normally handle those feelings just fine. But this time, I was almost in tears. Why?

As I was doing some warrior pose, I realized why. I had not had any alone time that week. Normally, I can sneak away and read quietly in my room for a bit, zone out and watch some TV, journal, or do some other activity by myself to recharge. However, last week, I didn't have that. I was constantly running from one thing to another and pretty much constantly with people. Even when I was journaling, I was in the living room, surrounded by my roommates or something. For a better picture of my crazy week: Sunday, I had church, then I was busy writing missionaries (and my roommates were in and out of the room). Suddenly, it was time for dinner group, then the CES fireside, then ward prayer/socializing. Monday, I had work from 9am-6pm, then got home in just enough time to change, call someone, and then run to a ward FHE. After FHE, we had people over at our house to play Just Dance 3. Tuesday, I had school from 8am-6:30pm. And during my 3 hour break from school, I went out to lunch with a friend. After school, I went to the gym, then came home and watched Once Upon a Time with some roommates and friends. Wednesday, I worked out at the gym, had work from 10am-6pm, then had just enough time to get to institute, and then came back and hung out with roommates. Then, Thursday, I had school from 8am-2:30pm, then had my EFY interview, and then I was at the gym in yoga class. And even at the gym, I was surrounded by people. And that is when that realization hit me. I need alone time. And that is also when I made the decision to not go roller skating with my roommates and some people in my ward, so I could have even just a half hour of alone time before another roommate came home. If I had gone roller skating, I surely would have cried. But by staying home, I was able to quietly relax and recharge.

To some it all up... Though it may not seem like it to some people, I am an introvert. I need alone time. I do enjoy being with people. I find great joy in talking to people and establishing relationships. That's partly why I chose the career path I did. But I also need time to myself. I knew that deep down, but I thought that maybe I had changed enough that I was more of an extrovert than introvert. But that experience reminded me that I am still more of an introvert than an extrovert. And, for the sake of my mental sanity, I shouldn't fight that. Interesting insight, I'd say. So, I pose the question to you. Are you an introvert or extrovert? How do you know that? And do you fight it?