Half marathon, a new digital piano, and other quick updates

Just over a month ago, I ran my first half marathon! It started out great. It was decent weather, and it was nice running through the Thanksgiving Point gardens and seeing all the beautiful flowers at the tulip festival. However, the race was harder than I expected... there were lots of ups and downs over the second half of the course and I was struggling. But with Karen by my side and using the wonderful Galloway method, I made it through. So, so grateful for Karen joining me at the last minute so I didn't have to do it alone. I've come to realize that one of my greatest struggles with running is the mental aspect and I was getting really discouraged that race. We couldn't see anybody running around us and that really messed with my head. But Karen kept me going and we finished and got our medals! It's nice to be able to accomplish goals.  

I have another half in less than a month, and I somehow was crazy enough to sign up for the St. George Marathon this October. Eek! Somehow, I've kind of turned into a runner. I met up with my running coach (the program director for Galloway here) earlier this week and we went over my goals and she made up an initial plan for me, including running and core and strength training. She also gave me a journal to keep track of workouts and a "Mental Training for Runners" book by Jeff Galloway. Hopefully that will help with the mental battle.

I also was able to cross off another thing off my 101 list. I wanted to either fix my old digital piano or get a new one. When I saw this digital baby grand at DI, I knew I couldn't pass it up! Though I haven't played it too much, it makes me so happy each time I see it.

In other news, I was able to see Kristin Chenoweth perform at BYU a few weeks ago and it was amazing! She is an incredible performer. I always appreciate good singers, but it's always so much better when they're so fun between their songs. I laughed so much... and a few of her songs even made me cry.

And I know I had already crossed off checking out a book from each of the Boise libraries in the Boise library system on my 101 list... but they added a new library! So I went there yesterday and got a couple of books.

And today was the Idaho Falls Temple Rededication. I was able to go to two of the sessions at a stake center pretty close to where I live (not like I was really doing anything else today) and it was really nice to feel the Spirit. I was able to go to the open house with some friends a few weeks back and I look forward to going and doing a session there someday. 

Externally Motivated

I've recently realized how externally motivated I am.

I mean, I realized this about myself before. Some roommates and I had sticker charts during my last year in grad school for things we were working on. I once told my friend Meagan (who is a massage therapist) that she couldn't give me a massage that weekend if I didn't work out every day that week (and you better believe I did end up working out every day that week). I completed an Ironman in a Month challenge because if you completed it, you were entered into a drawing for prizes. But even with all these examples, I never really owned how externally motivated I am, because we should do things just because they're supposed to be done, right? Sticker charts are for children being potty-trained, not late 20-somethings who are just kind of lazy.

Enter Habitica. I had heard about this app a bit before, but finally downloaded it last Sunday. And guys, I'm in love. It's a website and app where you can "gamify" your life and get rewarded for completing habits, daily items, and to-dos. Your character gets better and stronger and earns more rewards the more you do....but if you don't do things, the character's health decreases and you can lose the progress you've made in the game. You can also join quests with your friends to hold yourself even more accountable, because if you're on a quest and miss a daily, everybody on your team takes a hit. I'm super impressed with how involved this website and app are. And they're totally free! You can subscribe for a certain amount a month for extra features, though I'm finding that the free version is meeting my needs right now. If you think you'd find this helpful, I'd encourage you to check it out. I know I've been a lot more productive this last week than I normally am and I really hope to keep that motivation going.

End of PSA.

In other news...

This winter was rough. (Hence not much blogging.) We set all sorts of records for snow. I had to get snow tires. (Which I got off yesterday! Hooray!) It was hard constantly seeing snow on the ground all the time, constantly having to watch for ice, and never feeling warm enough when I was outside. I even ran away for a long weekend to North Carolina to see some friends because it was warmer there. (It ended up not being super warm a couple of the days, but there wasn't snow on the ground, so that was a win.) And, of course, it being dark on the way to and from work is never fun. Now that the weather is getting better (and Daylight Savings Time is here!), I feel my mood rapidly improving overall, so that's happy. I don't think I realized how much the weather was impacting me mentally and emotionally.

Life is settling down as it doesn't feel as in flux as it has been. I didn't get a job in Utah that I applied for, which really helped me to throw myself more into really making here home, including spending more time with friends and activities and not just staying home doing nothing. I'm still in my current apartment...partly because there really aren't too many cheaper options for similar apartments and partly (mainly) because moving is a pain. I really like my apartment, just not the management. However, they haven't caused any issues lately, so I can't complain.  I am now month-to-month, so I can leave if I decide to. I'm trying to move forward in various goals. A friend tutored me a bit on my sewing machine. I'm doing some mending, but then hope to maybe start working on some of my 101 list sewing goals. I'm taking another calligraphy class (this time, it's copperplate, and it's been a lot harder for me than the other scripts, but it's really pretty). Galloway has started up again and I'm a pace group leader this season. I'm training for my first half marathon at the end of April and then doing another a half marathon outside of Glacier National Park in June. Got a PR on a 10K yesterday. Lots of good things happening. Both I and my Habitica character are progressing. :-)

2016, by the numbers

I really like doing this year-end review by the numbers. Another year on the books. If you have ideas of other things I should track for this next year, let me know. Happy New Year, everyone!

Traveling:
Miles driven in my car: 19253
States lived in: 1
States lived in/been in: 5 (6 if you count the layover in New York on the way back from Brazil)
Countries visited/lived in: 2.
Round-trip plane trips: 3.5
Amusement parks visited: 1
Times driven to Utah and back: 7.5

Work: 
Jobs held: 1
States where I am an LCSW: 2
CEUs completed: 52

Personal:
First dates went on: 10
Second dates went on: 0
Books read: 71 (24,537 pages, according to Goodreads)
Places lived in: 1
Wards member of: 1
Roommates had: 1
Cars driven: 4
Blogs posted: 13
Friends on Facebook: 293
Calligraphy classes taken: 2

Physical:
Massages received: 6

Races run: 3
Run/walk miles logged in RunKeeper: 87.61 (wish I had started logging all my runs sooner... I didn't start logging them in there until my first race!)
Pounds lost since 6/20/16: 17.6

Entertainment:
Restaurants visited/ordered from: 89
Times went out/ordered/got food from restaurants: 142

Movies watched: 32
Plays/musicals attended: 1

Spiritual/church:
Callings held: 3
Blessings (including setting aparts) received: 4
Temples/temple grounds visited: 6
Number of proxy initiatories completed: 99
Number of proxy endowments completed: 24
Number of proxy sealings completed: 7
Live sealings attended: 1

101 List:
101 list goals completed: 17
Novels written: 1

My Year in Facebook Statuses- 2016 Edition

January

• New Year's Eve is kind of weird when you can't watch the ball drop in Times Square because it hasn't happened yet. (I'm living in the future!) In other news, Brazilians are serious about their fireworks! Don't think I'll be getting too much sleep tonight. Happy New Year!
• Oh, Brazil. I already miss you... pretending it was summer, spending time with family, sleeping, reading, and eating lots of yummy food. It was good times. Not looking forward to being back in the real world and winter. But I'm not going to miss how your streets made me feel like I was riding a broken wooden roller coaster. That wasn't good times.
• Hypothetically, if I had been awake for 35 hours (due to traveling or something) and then slept for 14 hours straight, would I be caught up on sleep? You know, hypothetically. :-)

 February

• I need to pick a short quote for a project in my uncial calligraphy class. Any suggestions? Bonus points if the quote really goes well with the uncial style.
• Here's a sentence I never thought I'd say: I joined a guild! I'm officially one of the newest members of Idaho Inkspots. :-)
• Happy half-birthday to me!
• Thoughts about upstairs neighbors playing mariachi music at 11:25 on a work night? For the record, I'm not a fan.

 March

• First car ride with the sun roof open for the year. Love this weather!
• Just did a class at Cutting Edge Pilates. Using the proformer machine was awesome, but my muscles have never shaken that much during a workout before! (Hopefully I'll be able to walk tomorrow.) Awesome workout! I highly recommend it.

 April

 May

• I may have taken a while to join the Y, and I still have to convince myself to go more often than I'd like (let's been honest, I'd rather be reading). But I'm so glad I joined. Everyone is so friendly, it supports great things in the community, and they have fantastic equipment, facilities and classes. I tried the Pound Fit class tonight and loved it. Because if you're going to do bodyweight exercises, you might as well pretend you're a rockstar drummer while doing it, right? :-)
•  A lot of times, I feel like I'm hitting my head against a wall at work. Trying to help people change their lives isn't easy. But then there are some days that make it all worth it. Where some change happens, big or small, and you're able to see that you were able to help make a difference. When you just happened to be at the right place at the right time to listen to and validate someone's story. That's why I do what I do. And that's why I'm grateful for days like today.
• Boise friends... I have a dress that I love that's been sitting in my closet for several months. I haven't worn yet because the sleeves and part of the back are unlined. Any recommendations of who I could take it to and get in lined so I can wear it and look gorgeous? (If it matters, I don't even have matching fabric, so people that are good at finding matching fabric and then altering it perfectly would be great.)

 June

• So grateful for getting what I need, even (especially?) when I didn't realize it was what I needed. Like running into a co-worker at the temple and proceeding to go out for ice cream together after and ending up talking for three and a half hours. My soul needed that. Now let's hope my body doesn't regret the lack of sleep tomorrow. J

 July

• Anybody have a pressure washer I can borrow? If I don't clean my parking spot myself by Monday, my property management company will charge me $35. I tried to contest it, but they say they're going to charge me, because according to them, it was my car that caused the mess.

 August

• Note to self: before you leave to head back home after a weekend away, make sure you double check that you have your wallet. The dreaded five and a half hour drive is even worse when it become a seven hour and fifteen minute drive. But thanks to Julie for meeting me part way so it didn't become closer to nine hours.
• Just ran 6.5 miles with my running group, thus proving to myself that I will not die during my 10K next month. Hooray!

 September

 October

• Guys! Once (the musical) is coming to Boise on January 20-21. Presale tickets are available now, starting at $37.50. Who wants to go with me?
• Debating how crazy I want to make my November. NaNoWriMo again (even though I have no ideas for a plot)? Triathlon in a month challenge at the Y? Or just teaching re-watching all the episodes of Gilmore Girls so I'm ready for November 25? Decisions, decisions...

 November

• Already behind on NaNoWriMo due to my calligraphy class cutting in to what would normally be my prime writing time. I'll have to write double tomorrow. And I'm getting up early to go to my first ever cycling class so I can start hacking away at the 112 miles biking required for the Ironman in a month challenge. What have I gotten myself into? Wish me luck!
• Alright... names of decent property management companies in the Boise/Meridian area. Go!
• To all my running friends: I've been considering buying a GPS watch for a while, but all the Black Friday/Cyber Monday deals are making think it's finally time to bite the bullet and get one. I want something that will do adjustable intervals (not just :30/:30s), has good accuracy and display, will sync with a tracker app (I currently use Runkeeper, but I'm open to changing apps), and has a good battery life. Bonus if it has coaching for running form and can also work for swimming. Any suggestions are appreciated.
• November... You've been fun, but also made me a bit crazy. I guess completing both NaNoWriMo and Ironman in a Month will do that to you. Especially if that's in addition to normal (and not-so-normal) stuff at work, spending quite a bit of time with family and friends, and just dealing with life stuff. December, please slow down a bit so I can feel sane entering into 2017. Thank you.  :-)

 December

• Can we talk for a minute about how I supposedly live in the "banana belt," but it's 13 degrees outside and I was legitimately a bit scared for my life driving into work yesterday with the snow dumping down and cars swerving all over the place? This is going to be a long winter...
• My Skype account has been hacked. I apologize for any messages you got from me. Please ignore/delete them.
• Got on a paddleboard for the first time ever today, and immediately started trying yoga. (The YMCA has the coolest classes.) I wasn't able to do a ton, but I didn't fall in the pool, so I consider that a success. Another first for the day... getting my car stuck in snow. Not fun. Luckily, my friend was able to get me out without too much trouble on her part (and with minimal tears on my part). But if I don't visit any of you that live away from main streets until spring because Boise doesn't believe in clearing roads that aren't main thoroughfares... just know that it's nothing personal.  :-)

In flux

I feel like my life is totally in flux. My roommate moved out. My lease is up next month, and I'm supposed to tell them what I'm doing by the end of this month. My parents are coming home in six and a half months. I'm getting a new boss at the beginning of the year. (Fifth boss in just over four years. And I haven't moved or changed jobs.) Ward boundaries are likely going to be changing soon.

What am I supposed to be doing with my life? Where am I supposed to be? I have no idea. But I'm trying to move forward and keep living my life regardless. So, here's what I've been up to the last few months while I haven't really been blogging. In no particular order:

• I'm keeping an eye out for other apartments, though I haven't looked at any yet. (I think I'm going to pay a bit extra for month-to-month where I am currently until I know ward boundary stuff and then really start looking harder.)
• I signed up for my first half marathon (that'll take place end of April) and I'm still trying to run regularly, even though the Galloway group is off-season right now and the weather is TERRIBLE. How do people run in this? Looking forward to next Galloway season when it'll hopefully be better weather and I'm probably going to be a pace group leader. And I've got some serious training to do to make sure I keep the required 16 minute/mile pace for my half.
• Speaking of running, I ran a couple of 10K races... Barber to Boise and Scheel's Turkey Trot. 
• I did an Ironman in a Month Challenge last month at the Y. (Why on earth would anybody ever do 112 miles of biking? The swimming and running were fine. But biking? Ugh.) And the Ironman reminded me how much I do like swimming. It's just hard to convince myself to get up really early and change into a swimsuit when it's freezing cold outside, even though the indoor pool is great. My bed is just too warm and comfortable. 
• Hit the year mark of being in our new store location. Crazy how time flies.
• Spent time with extended family, both at a funeral in Colorado in October and at Thanksgiving in Reno.
• I finished my Gothicized Italic Calligraphy class and am going to take Copperplate starting in January. 
• I've invited groups of girls over a couple of times now for hanging out and am trying to make more friends. 
• I did NaNoWriMo again in November. I seem to switch off years on having a good idea and then not, and this year was an off year. But I did write 50000 words! So... go me. 

And probably other things. But I think those were some of the highlights that happened while I wasn't blogging. Moral of the story I've learned the last little bit? Bloom where you're planted. Because I haven't really done that since I got my own place, but I feel like I've finally gotten a bit more into the groove of doing that. Only took me almost two and a half years...

Carrots, eggs, and coffee beans

Have you ever heard of the story of the carrots, the eggs, and the coffee beans? (Story taken from here, but there are many other places with it posted.  I'll summarize here.)

The story goes that a woman is really struggling. She goes to her mother and talks about how hard things are and how she just wants to give up. Her mother takes her to the kitchen and fills three pots with water. In one, she puts carrots. In the second, she puts eggs. And in the third, she puts coffee beans. Without a word, her mother just lets them boil. After a while, she turned off the burners and took out the food. She put the carrots in a bowl, the eggs in another, and the coffee in the last.  

"What do you see?" The mother asked her daughter. 

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee." 

The woman's mother brought her closer and asked her to examine the things in each bowl. The carrots were now soft. She broke the shell off an egg and noticed how hard it had become. And she sipped the coffee, loving the rich taste and aroma.

After making these observations, the daughter asked, "What's the point, mother?"

Her mother smiled and explained that each of the objects faced the same adversity but reacted differently. The carrots, which had started out hard and unrelenting, became softened and weak. The eggs, which had once been fragile, with just a thin shell protecting the liquid interiors, became hardened. But the coffee beans were unique...they changed the water and became something else entirely. 

The story goes on to ask... which are you? When adversity comes, are you more like carrots, eggs, or coffee beans?

I remember when I first heard this story many years ago. I remembered wanting to be the coffee beans. (Though in my mind, sometimes I switched the coffee beans to hot chocolate mix. Because hot chocolate is much better. And I didn't want to be coffee... but I could be on board with being hot chocolate.) I wanted to make the best of my situation by transforming it and becoming even better in the process. But I realized that I sometimes acted more like the carrots, becoming weak and losing my strength, and thinking myself incapable of fixing anything.

However, I came to the realization this week that I've changed from the carrots to the eggs. With various things that have happened in the past few years, I've become quite hardened. I feel like I started out soft and yielding, with so much potential, much like the egg yolk and whites inside the shell. But I've let hard circumstances make me hard as well. I've become a bit bitter and tough. And that hardness is interfering with my ability to connect with others and with God.

This is a tough realization to come to. I was sitting in my therapist's office, crying, realizing how hard my heart had become, and my therapist pointed out, "Insight can only take you so far." He said that because this was something we'd been dancing around in therapy, but I really haven't done anything to change that part of me. It feels too big, too hard to change. And he knew that he couldn't push me until I was ready. So now comes the time to ask what I'm going to do with that insight. Am I going to try once again to become coffee beans/hot chocolate mix? Or will I just stay an egg, letting nothing get past my hard heart/exterior, good or bad?

As I was thinking about this and studying it more, I came across a conference talk by Elder Marvin J. Ashton. He explains:

"The heart is a synonym for one’s entire makeup. We often use phrases about the heart to describe the total person. Thus, we describe people as being “big-hearted” or “goodhearted” or having a “heart of gold.” Or we speak of people with faint hearts, wise hearts, pure hearts, willing hearts, deceitful hearts, conniving hearts, courageous hearts, cold hearts, hearts of stone, or selfish hearts.  The measure of our hearts is the measure of our total performance."

So... having a hard heart isn't something I want. I don't want to ever be described as hard. I want to be described as "big-hearted" or "having a heart of gold." I feel like that my softer and kinder nature is what drew me to my profession, and so those would be amazing compliments to me. But I know I'm not coming across that way to people now, and I'm definitely not coming across that way to God. As we think in spiritual terms, a soft heart is one that will listen to God. The "thy will be done" is something I've struggled with a lot of my life, but even more so lately. I've been quite mad at God for the situations I feel that I'm in. I've stopped really working on that relationship with Him. My will wasn't happening, but I didn't want to go to His will. And honestly, I'm still not sure if I want to switch to His plan. Faith is hard. I don't see His plan. I have no idea what it is. And ultimately, I am choosing to follow God's plan, I'm just not going super willingly. Should I really keep trying to "kick against the pricks"? All that does is hurt me more. But my hard heart isn't just keeping God out. I'm isolating myself from others around me.

In a conference talk from April 2008, by Elder Gerald N. Lund. He said,

"Early in our lives, we learn to guard our hearts. It is like we erect a fence around our hearts with a gate in it. No one can enter that gate unless we allow him or her to. In some cases the fence we erect around our hearts could be likened to a small picket fence with a Welcome sign on the gate. Other hearts have been so hurt or so deadened by sin that they have an eight-foot (2.5-m) chain-link fence topped with razor wire around them. The gate is padlocked and has a large No Trespassing sign on it."

Even before these more recent trials, I struggled with letting people get close to me. I'm really good at keeping people out. But I've let these trials make my walls even higher, with even more locks, so I'm continuing to block people out... people that could help me. Love me. Be there for me. I'm not letting myself build friendships and connections. I can't fully connect with my clients when I'm often trying so hard to keep people out and not deal with my own emotions and situations. With these walls, I end up isolating myself more, becoming even harder and even more impenetrable.

So the question remains... what am I going to do to change this? It's great that I have the insight, but nothing is going to change unless I do. So I'm going to work towards changing from being an egg to being coffee beans/hot chocolate mix. It's not going to be easy. It's taken me a while to become this hard, so it's going to take a while to soften, as well. But I do believe that it's possible. And maybe, one day, I can become that truly amazing cup of coffee/hot chocolate, transformed into something so much better than I was originally.

Weekend of Boise Adventures

Last weekend, Karen and her husband Stu came to town, and I got to cross off some of the Boise things from my 101 list (and one big thing that wasn't on my 101 list).

We got to take a Boise Trolley Tour. It was fun riding around Boise and learning fun facts and enjoying the nice day. I think I might have to do that again come Christmas time and see all of the lights.

We also took a tour of the State Capitol. We didn't arrange a guided tour (you apparently need a minimum of at least 5 people), but we did the do-it-yourself tour. And we totally rocked the scavenger hunt that took us to all of the floors.

On Saturday, Karen and I ran in the FitOne 10K. I really don't know how I got roped into that. (Running of any sort was not on this 101 list.) I did the FitOne 5K with Karen last year, and another friend (Celin) said we should do the 10K together next year. I said sure and didn't think much more of it. Unfortunately, Celin has a really good memory and the day registration opened this year, she called me and made sure I was still doing the 10K. I then convinced Karen to come back up and run it with me, as I knew there was no way I could do it on my own. As I was starting to train for the 10K, I realized I was having a super hard time training and just didn't see how it'd be possible to complete it. I then remembered the Galloway group that Karen had been a part of and talked so highly of and reached out to the program director for Boise (Louise) and joined.

The Jeff Galloway Training program is a run/walk program/group and it's totally doable for anyone. (Trust me, if I can do it, anybody can.) I never understood why Karen got up so early on Saturdays to run with the group, but I got really into it.  The comradery with the group is awesome and Louise always plans out really pretty areas to run in (so much better than the boring mid-week runs I do the in the neighborhood across the street from my complex). Your pace and intervals in Galloway are based on how fast you run a mile... my interval was (is) 10 seconds running, 30 seconds walking, and my training pace was (is) 21:30/mile, for a race pace of 17:25/mile (I told you anybody could do it). I know those times aren't super impressive to some people, but I'm not in running to beat everybody else. And as one of the signs at the race said, "No matter how slow I run, I'm faster than my couch." Regardless of my time, I completed a 10K and got a medal! Plus, because of my training with Galloway, I was able to do even better than I anticipated on the 10K, cutting a bit over a minute on my average mile pace than was predicted (guess I am getting faster) and ended up not terribly sore the next day. However, somehow I'm now considering doing a half marathon. And I may have been recruited to be a pace group leader for next season. Yikes. What's gotten into me?

Anyways, I feel like I could talk about Galloway forever. But returning to the race... it was great! It's a pretty course and it was a beautiful day and it was so fun to catch up with Karen. (Another thing that's great about Galloway is you're always going at a pace and intervals where you can still talk, even while racing). It was also fun to cheer in Louise as she completed her 65th half marathon on her 65th birthday. She's amazing.

After the race, Karen and I went to the Discovery Center with Celin and her kids. It reminded me of a mini Exploratorium...a magical place that I have so many fond memories going to while I was growing up (thank you first Wednesday). The current exhibit was about electricity and that was fun to play around with, in addition to their standard exhibits. And I got a smushed penny, which is always a win in my book.

As we left the Discovery Center, we saw people on paddleboats on the little river/pond next to it and before I knew what was happening, we had rented one. Maybe not the best idea after having run a 10K a few hours before, but it was such a pretty day to be out on the water.

That night, we went out to dinner to celebrate our friend Jenna's birthday with her and her husband, and then went back to her place and watched X-Men (and now I just need to watch a movie that starts with the letter Y to cross another thing off my list).

I saw Karen and Stu one more time before they left to head back to Utah, as I made them a bit of breakfast before they left on Sunday. It really was fun having them in town and being able to cross some things off my list. Hopefully they will come and visit sometime again soon. :-) (Also, I promise Stu was around and he does exist, even though I didn't get any pictures with him in them.)

Oh. And as one random side note because I forgot to put this in any other blogs, I did cross off another thing from my 101 list back in June... Get a makeover and buy at least some of the make-up they use. Thank you BareMinerals. I know I'm still not the best at make-up, but it is fun to have some more supplies now and work on that aspect of looking awesome.