My birthday was yesterday. I still can't believe I'm 23. I don't feel old. I wonder what will take to make that happen. Because neither graduating with my Master's nor turning 23 is doing it for me yet. Maybe I need a real person job to have it hit me? Or maybe I need to get married? (And that's not happening any time soon... so I think I'm safe.)
My birthday started shortly after midnight, with a guy in my ward wishing me a happy birthday on Facebook and then my roommate joining in on the conversation (which was funny, because she was in her bedroom and I was in mine... but she didn't come talk to me). But she did come dance at me. And then came back a few minutes later to actually wish me a happy birthday... because she didn't the first time. Great way to start the day.
The day then truly started in the morning by going to the temple. I normally go Thursday nights, but since there's a home BYU football game tonight that I'm going to, I decided to slip in Wednesday morning. I was a little nervous when I saw how packed the parking lot was, but the baptistery was practically empty, so I was in and out in under a half hour. So wonderful to start the day with the peace that the temple brings.
Then I got a massage. I had a Groupon-type thing for a half hour massage. I got there and they asked if I wanted to upgrade to an hour massage for an extra $20. I decided to go for it (a fantastic decision, by the way). I don't remember the last time I felt that relaxed.
After that, I treated myself to a manicure and pedicure, which was fun. And then I used my birthday coupon at Rubio's for a free meal. (Shrimp burrito... yum!)
Once I came home, I didn't do anything terribly exciting. Mainly played around on the computer (but DIDN'T look for jobs) and read.
Then a friend (the one who was the first to wish me a happy birthday on Facebook) dropped off a birthday cake because he believes that nobody should have a birthday without a cake. And then we got some pizza and crazy bread from Little Caesar's because I didn't feel like cooking/didn't have much on hand. It was delicious.
A few guys in the ward also decided to randomly throw me a party. It was fun. It was nice catching up with people and being with friends. Plus, I blew out all my candles with one breath. I'm cool.
And throughout the day, I was inundated with texts and Facebook posts wishing me a happy birthday. I normally take my birthday off of Facebook, because I don't like people feeling obligated to do anything for it... even if it's just writing a quick note for it. But a friend convinced me to keep it up and it was actually kind of fun. And it's been neat to respond to each and catch up briefly with people. I am so blessed to have so many loving friends and family in my life.
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Brigham City Temple Open House
I was able to go with my mom and dad to the Brigham City Temple Open House this weekend. My mom grew up there (she even went to sixth grade at a school that was on the spot where the temple now is), and my parents met there in high school. My grandparents still live there. So Brigham City is a really special place to our family and it is so wonderful to have a temple there now.
The temple was beautiful. And it was such a nice reminder for what I am striving for... to always stay worthy to enter the temple and make covenants there. And to one day be sealed to my future spouse in a temple of the Lord so that we can be together for time and all eternity. What an amazing blessing temples are.
The temple was beautiful. And it was such a nice reminder for what I am striving for... to always stay worthy to enter the temple and make covenants there. And to one day be sealed to my future spouse in a temple of the Lord so that we can be together for time and all eternity. What an amazing blessing temples are.
California/Trip Home
I had to go home to get my car registered and it provided a great excuse to hang out with the family. My dad was able to drive out with me, and it was fun to be able to talk and catch up with him.
Didn't do much Monday, which was nice and relaxing. (Minus the job searching I did. That's stressful.)
On Tuesday, we played at Disneyland. It was great. Rode lots of rides and even stayed and watched the fireworks.
Mike took some time off work on Wednesday, so we were able to go out to lunch as a family and spend some time together. I also looked at cars with my dad because I'm getting a new one soon. Eek!
And then my mom, Aubrey, and I drove back to Utah to get Aubrey settled back into school. And to get me back to whatever is going on in my life. :-)
It was a short, but good, trip.
Didn't do much Monday, which was nice and relaxing. (Minus the job searching I did. That's stressful.)
On Tuesday, we played at Disneyland. It was great. Rode lots of rides and even stayed and watched the fireworks.
Mike took some time off work on Wednesday, so we were able to go out to lunch as a family and spend some time together. I also looked at cars with my dad because I'm getting a new one soon. Eek!
And then my mom, Aubrey, and I drove back to Utah to get Aubrey settled back into school. And to get me back to whatever is going on in my life. :-)
It was a short, but good, trip.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Camp Kesem
Last week, I had the opportunity to work at Camp Kesem BYU. That definitely wasn't on my original plan for summer, and me getting involved happened so suddenly. I was at EFY in Cedar and heard that the camp needed a therapist in order to happen. And since several different plans I had for that week had fallen through, I decided to go for it.
Anyways, the premise of Camp Kesem is really neat. It's a camp for kids who have a parent who has cancer (whether the parent has died, is currently in treatment, or is in remission). It's run by college students (so it's also a leadership program) and there are multiple camps throughout the nation. It's a basic summer camp, with all sorts of fun and activities (including great things like swimming, crafts, sports, a ropes course, talent show, theme days, and camper names). However, all the kids have one thing in common... having a parent with cancer. And they are able to talk about that at nightly cabin chats and it definitely comes out at the Thursday night "empowerment ceremony" (basically a camp-wide cabin chat that focuses exclusively on cancer). And at the end of the ceremony, a skein of yarn is unraveled and everybody takes hold of it to show we're all connected. It is all then cut up and everybody ties a piece around their wrist. I still have mine on. A nice reminder that we're all in this together.
As for my personal experience, it was a hard week for me. I wasn't feeling well physically during a lot of it, which was really hard. I was also struggling with some other personal stuff. But it was so neat to be there. The counselors and coordinators were all so incredible, as were the kids. I had so much fun with them and learned a lot from them. It was amazing to see these kids just be kids, because so many of them have to grow up so fast in their situation. It was neat to see them realize that they're not alone and that there are others who understand them and their situation. They are so strong and such amazing examples of resiliency and I definitely grew a lot from witnessing that. I learned that I need to appreciate what I have more. I was reminded of how fun and cute little kids can be. I realized that maybe I will be a good mother one day (as that is a worry of mine). And I know that I can be more kind and giving to everybody around me.
Though it was hard while I was there, I am so grateful I went. I highly encourage everyone to get involved, especially since the camp is entirely run by volunteers. Nobody in the camp is paid (including the professional staff, like myself and the nurse). And none of the kids have to pay to go, which is such a blessing, since many families are very strained for cash due to cancer treatments. It's really incredible. However, because of that, they definitely need money and donations to keep going. So if you feel so inclined, a great way to support them is by donating some money so that the camp (and magic!) can continue to happen in these kids' lives.
Anyways, the premise of Camp Kesem is really neat. It's a camp for kids who have a parent who has cancer (whether the parent has died, is currently in treatment, or is in remission). It's run by college students (so it's also a leadership program) and there are multiple camps throughout the nation. It's a basic summer camp, with all sorts of fun and activities (including great things like swimming, crafts, sports, a ropes course, talent show, theme days, and camper names). However, all the kids have one thing in common... having a parent with cancer. And they are able to talk about that at nightly cabin chats and it definitely comes out at the Thursday night "empowerment ceremony" (basically a camp-wide cabin chat that focuses exclusively on cancer). And at the end of the ceremony, a skein of yarn is unraveled and everybody takes hold of it to show we're all connected. It is all then cut up and everybody ties a piece around their wrist. I still have mine on. A nice reminder that we're all in this together.
As for my personal experience, it was a hard week for me. I wasn't feeling well physically during a lot of it, which was really hard. I was also struggling with some other personal stuff. But it was so neat to be there. The counselors and coordinators were all so incredible, as were the kids. I had so much fun with them and learned a lot from them. It was amazing to see these kids just be kids, because so many of them have to grow up so fast in their situation. It was neat to see them realize that they're not alone and that there are others who understand them and their situation. They are so strong and such amazing examples of resiliency and I definitely grew a lot from witnessing that. I learned that I need to appreciate what I have more. I was reminded of how fun and cute little kids can be. I realized that maybe I will be a good mother one day (as that is a worry of mine). And I know that I can be more kind and giving to everybody around me.
Though it was hard while I was there, I am so grateful I went. I highly encourage everyone to get involved, especially since the camp is entirely run by volunteers. Nobody in the camp is paid (including the professional staff, like myself and the nurse). And none of the kids have to pay to go, which is such a blessing, since many families are very strained for cash due to cancer treatments. It's really incredible. However, because of that, they definitely need money and donations to keep going. So if you feel so inclined, a great way to support them is by donating some money so that the camp (and magic!) can continue to happen in these kids' lives.
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Taking EFY Home
I was going to write a long list of "You Know You're an EFY Counselor When..." but that's been done before and I don't think I have anything to add. (There are some seriously funny ones.) So I decided to do a slightly more serious blog about what I learned.
Every Friday, we emphasized "taking it home" to the youth. We talk about how awesome EFY was, but how EFY is a waste if we don't apply what we learn once we go home. And in order to do that, we must first recognize what we learned. So in order to not be a hypocrite, I wanted to recognize a few of my takeaways. A couple of my main ones are not being as afraid to open my mouth (or use my fingers) to share the gospel. That's one reason I'm trying to share more gospel-related things in my blog. You never know who may be coming across this and hopefully they can glimpse my testimony. I also definitely came away with a much stronger testimony of Christ and the Atonement (this is definitely due in part to The Living Christ activity we did each week, as well as some amazing classes and personal spiritual experiences). I know there's still so much more I could learn about these things, and I know my testimony still needs to grow more. But it definitely grew a lot. And I am currently working on reading Jesus the Christ in order to help continue to grow that testimony.
But my last week of EFY, Celeste (my wonderful BC) talked about recognizing what we learned from EFY that will help us be better wives and mothers in the future. There are a lot of parallels from being an EFY counselor to being a wife and mother and just to life in general. I know I still have a ton to learn. And honestly, being a wife and mother still scares me sometimes. But I feel a bit more at peace about it after EFY. If I can survive some of that craziness, maybe (just maybe) I can be a good wife and mother in the future. And I know I have a great future ahead of me. So without any further ado, here's my list of "What I Learned About Being a Better Wife and Mother at EFY"
You must rely on the Lord
The Lord better knows and understands your kids than you do. He knows how to help them. He can give you strength. He'll prompt you. He won't let your kids get past His love.
You can't be afraid to ask for help
You can't help these kids alone. Prayer helps since Heavenly Father truly is there. But there are also other people around who are so willing to help. But you may need to get out of your comfort zone and ask for help (which is hard for me to do sometimes).
Satan works hard against you when you're doing the Lord's work
Satan manifests himself in different ways, especially when he knows that you're working hard against him. And you are definitely working against him when you are trying to help people come closer to Christ (whether you're helping your kids come unto Christ or you're just bringing yourself closer). One way that Satan really works against me is through feelings of discouragement or feeling like I'm not good enough or doing enough. If Satan can plant those feelings in me and get me to stop what I'm supposed to be doing, then he's won. I have to exert all my power against him and bring souls to Christ, despite difficulties.
People have their agency
It's so hard. You do all you can to bring these kids closer to Christ and to change their lives for the better and sometimes they choose to go a different way. But agency is part of God's plan. You can't force the Spirit upon others or force them to choose right. They must make the choice themselves. And it's so wonderful when you see them make the correct choices on their own.
Listen to and take time for others
Listening shows people that you care about them. It strengthens relationships. It means so much to show you are truly there. That it isn't just a job. And it's not a chore. The most important thing besides your testimony and dedication to the gospel is just to show how much you love and care for them.
Forget yourself in the work
With all that's going on in my life, it's so easy to focus on myself and my worries and concerns. But as I served those kids, I was happier and my problems didn't seem as big. It can be hard to get out of myself, but it's so amazing when I can.
The Lord makes up the difference
I know I'm not the best leader or teacher. I don't have tons of scriptures memorized and I don't understand all church doctrine. But it doesn't matter. As I did the best I could, the Lord filled in the blanks of what I couldn't do. But He only fills in the rest after I've done all I can. And the Lord blesses you and others for your efforts, even when you don't feel like you've done enough of you don't feel completely "into it."
Discipline
Disciplining is super hard for me. But it is definitely important to enforce the rules so that the kids can stay safe and on the right path. And discipline is a lot more effective when you already have a relationship with them (see note about listening and taking time for others).
Thursday night (and other) payoffs
EFY is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I never understood that before when people who had been counselors said that. How could EFY be hard? It'd be the most fun thing ever. But after my first day... I got it. It's so hard. You pour your heart and soul into this and sometimes it seems like you didn't make a difference. But then Thursday night rolls around and you realize that maybe you did make a difference in some small way and it's such an amazing and humbling experience. I know that I'll crave and treasure those same moments as a mom. I have to work through those hard times to get the reward, but those payoffs will come if I do my part and then look for the payoff. One hard thing for me was when the payoff I was expecting wasn't there. There were sometimes other small moments throughout the week that give you that payoff, which was a blessing. But other times I truly felt like I didn't make a difference. So I had to remember that my God is a fourth-watch God. And sometimes that payoff is a long time coming. Some payoffs I never saw personally each week. But I know they were there... even if some kids don't manifest the changes and payoffs in their lives until years later. They were there. One of the session directors noted that we touched thousands of lives this summer, between the kids themselves, their families, their communities, their future missions and families... It was definitely humbling to think about. I have to hold on to that promise, because I didn't always see the payoff Thursday night. (Though it was generally there.)
You must be on higher ground to help others
So many of the kids needed help and there was no way I could help them if I wasn't prepared and farther along than they were. I had to have a knowledge of gospel principles. I had to have a strong testimony. I had to have my own "spiritual bucket" full before I could give anything to others. And because I was prepared, I was able to help these kids. And that was amazing.
You never know what the Lord has in store...but His plan is best
I think it's so easy to go through life with a plan. But in my case, the Lord always seems to have a different (but better) plan. One of my aunts told me that she knows she's doing what the Lord wants when she's doing something that she never planned on doing by herself. That definitely happened at EFY. I wanted to be at BYU for EFY, but I am so glad He placed me at the other campuses He did. I maybe wanted to have certain co-counselors or certain kids or certain roommates. But in every case, I was exactly where I needed to be.
Importance of keeping a schedule
At EFY, there is a very specific schedule. You always know where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be there, and what you're supposed to be doing. That is a stark contrast to how my life normally is (as evidence in the last week since EFY). But I came to the realization of how much more productive I am when I do have a schedule, or at least a general idea of what should happen each day. Obviously, as a mother (and just with life in general), things won't always go according to plan. But it's so important to have a plan to begin with, and then you can modify from there.
Follow the promptings of the Spirit
There were so many times that I felt the need to ask a certain question or tell or certain story at EFY and I had no idea why. But as I followed those promptings, it ended up helping these kids so much and in ways I never would have anticipated. It was amazing to hear kids tell me that something I was prompted to say really helped them.
Oh man. Going through this list just makes me miss EFY even more. And I know there are plenty of other parallels I could draw, but this list is getting long and I know I need to post it (if I keep working on it, posting may never happen). I know that even with these lessons, I still won't be completely prepared to be a wife and mother. But I know how patient my EFY kids were with me as I learned and grew. I'll just have to hope and pray that my future husband and family are as understanding. I'm grateful for all that I learned and all that I will continue to learn.
I'm truly taking EFY home... and I'll "Never Be the Same." :-)
Every Friday, we emphasized "taking it home" to the youth. We talk about how awesome EFY was, but how EFY is a waste if we don't apply what we learn once we go home. And in order to do that, we must first recognize what we learned. So in order to not be a hypocrite, I wanted to recognize a few of my takeaways. A couple of my main ones are not being as afraid to open my mouth (or use my fingers) to share the gospel. That's one reason I'm trying to share more gospel-related things in my blog. You never know who may be coming across this and hopefully they can glimpse my testimony. I also definitely came away with a much stronger testimony of Christ and the Atonement (this is definitely due in part to The Living Christ activity we did each week, as well as some amazing classes and personal spiritual experiences). I know there's still so much more I could learn about these things, and I know my testimony still needs to grow more. But it definitely grew a lot. And I am currently working on reading Jesus the Christ in order to help continue to grow that testimony.
But my last week of EFY, Celeste (my wonderful BC) talked about recognizing what we learned from EFY that will help us be better wives and mothers in the future. There are a lot of parallels from being an EFY counselor to being a wife and mother and just to life in general. I know I still have a ton to learn. And honestly, being a wife and mother still scares me sometimes. But I feel a bit more at peace about it after EFY. If I can survive some of that craziness, maybe (just maybe) I can be a good wife and mother in the future. And I know I have a great future ahead of me. So without any further ado, here's my list of "What I Learned About Being a Better Wife and Mother at EFY"
You must rely on the Lord
The Lord better knows and understands your kids than you do. He knows how to help them. He can give you strength. He'll prompt you. He won't let your kids get past His love.
You can't be afraid to ask for help
You can't help these kids alone. Prayer helps since Heavenly Father truly is there. But there are also other people around who are so willing to help. But you may need to get out of your comfort zone and ask for help (which is hard for me to do sometimes).
Satan works hard against you when you're doing the Lord's work
Satan manifests himself in different ways, especially when he knows that you're working hard against him. And you are definitely working against him when you are trying to help people come closer to Christ (whether you're helping your kids come unto Christ or you're just bringing yourself closer). One way that Satan really works against me is through feelings of discouragement or feeling like I'm not good enough or doing enough. If Satan can plant those feelings in me and get me to stop what I'm supposed to be doing, then he's won. I have to exert all my power against him and bring souls to Christ, despite difficulties.
People have their agency
It's so hard. You do all you can to bring these kids closer to Christ and to change their lives for the better and sometimes they choose to go a different way. But agency is part of God's plan. You can't force the Spirit upon others or force them to choose right. They must make the choice themselves. And it's so wonderful when you see them make the correct choices on their own.
Listen to and take time for others
Listening shows people that you care about them. It strengthens relationships. It means so much to show you are truly there. That it isn't just a job. And it's not a chore. The most important thing besides your testimony and dedication to the gospel is just to show how much you love and care for them.
Forget yourself in the work
With all that's going on in my life, it's so easy to focus on myself and my worries and concerns. But as I served those kids, I was happier and my problems didn't seem as big. It can be hard to get out of myself, but it's so amazing when I can.
The Lord makes up the difference
I know I'm not the best leader or teacher. I don't have tons of scriptures memorized and I don't understand all church doctrine. But it doesn't matter. As I did the best I could, the Lord filled in the blanks of what I couldn't do. But He only fills in the rest after I've done all I can. And the Lord blesses you and others for your efforts, even when you don't feel like you've done enough of you don't feel completely "into it."
Discipline
Disciplining is super hard for me. But it is definitely important to enforce the rules so that the kids can stay safe and on the right path. And discipline is a lot more effective when you already have a relationship with them (see note about listening and taking time for others).
Thursday night (and other) payoffs
EFY is probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I never understood that before when people who had been counselors said that. How could EFY be hard? It'd be the most fun thing ever. But after my first day... I got it. It's so hard. You pour your heart and soul into this and sometimes it seems like you didn't make a difference. But then Thursday night rolls around and you realize that maybe you did make a difference in some small way and it's such an amazing and humbling experience. I know that I'll crave and treasure those same moments as a mom. I have to work through those hard times to get the reward, but those payoffs will come if I do my part and then look for the payoff. One hard thing for me was when the payoff I was expecting wasn't there. There were sometimes other small moments throughout the week that give you that payoff, which was a blessing. But other times I truly felt like I didn't make a difference. So I had to remember that my God is a fourth-watch God. And sometimes that payoff is a long time coming. Some payoffs I never saw personally each week. But I know they were there... even if some kids don't manifest the changes and payoffs in their lives until years later. They were there. One of the session directors noted that we touched thousands of lives this summer, between the kids themselves, their families, their communities, their future missions and families... It was definitely humbling to think about. I have to hold on to that promise, because I didn't always see the payoff Thursday night. (Though it was generally there.)
You must be on higher ground to help others
So many of the kids needed help and there was no way I could help them if I wasn't prepared and farther along than they were. I had to have a knowledge of gospel principles. I had to have a strong testimony. I had to have my own "spiritual bucket" full before I could give anything to others. And because I was prepared, I was able to help these kids. And that was amazing.
You never know what the Lord has in store...but His plan is best
I think it's so easy to go through life with a plan. But in my case, the Lord always seems to have a different (but better) plan. One of my aunts told me that she knows she's doing what the Lord wants when she's doing something that she never planned on doing by herself. That definitely happened at EFY. I wanted to be at BYU for EFY, but I am so glad He placed me at the other campuses He did. I maybe wanted to have certain co-counselors or certain kids or certain roommates. But in every case, I was exactly where I needed to be.
Importance of keeping a schedule
At EFY, there is a very specific schedule. You always know where you're supposed to be, when you're supposed to be there, and what you're supposed to be doing. That is a stark contrast to how my life normally is (as evidence in the last week since EFY). But I came to the realization of how much more productive I am when I do have a schedule, or at least a general idea of what should happen each day. Obviously, as a mother (and just with life in general), things won't always go according to plan. But it's so important to have a plan to begin with, and then you can modify from there.
Follow the promptings of the Spirit
There were so many times that I felt the need to ask a certain question or tell or certain story at EFY and I had no idea why. But as I followed those promptings, it ended up helping these kids so much and in ways I never would have anticipated. It was amazing to hear kids tell me that something I was prompted to say really helped them.
Oh man. Going through this list just makes me miss EFY even more. And I know there are plenty of other parallels I could draw, but this list is getting long and I know I need to post it (if I keep working on it, posting may never happen). I know that even with these lessons, I still won't be completely prepared to be a wife and mother. But I know how patient my EFY kids were with me as I learned and grew. I'll just have to hope and pray that my future husband and family are as understanding. I'm grateful for all that I learned and all that I will continue to learn.
I'm truly taking EFY home... and I'll "Never Be the Same." :-)
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
EFY- Cedar City 2
I wasn’t supposed to be in Cedar City last week.
When I was hired to be a counselor for the summer, I was given (and accepted) five contracts. You’ve already heard about those weeks. But as I was working EFY and realized how much I loved it, I knew I wanted to work as many weeks as possible. I realized I was available to work the week of July 30, and that the team I worked with for the majority of the summer was working in Cedar City that week. I really wanted to work with them. That want became even greater when I realized that my sister was going to a participant that week at that session. It would be so fun to see her around. So I started telling all the BCs, coordinators, and the administrator that was I available to work Cedar 2. But it didn’t look likely, since they actually had more counselors than they needed. I had the opportunity to take other sessions that needed counselors that week, but I still held on to the hope that Cedar would become available, so I didn’t volunteer. I figured that if I didn’t get it, I still was able to have five amazing weeks as a counselor. A sixth would just be a cherry on top.
Then, while I was in Kirtland, I got an e-mail saying that I had an available contract for EFY. I checked the link and found out that it was for Cedar City 2. I was super excited and accepted it, telling all my girls how excited I was to work another week, especially the session my sister would be attending. I wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but I was grateful. (I found out later that some spots opened up and as the administrator was talking to the team about who they could offer it to, lots of people said my name. So she offered it to me and I accepted it.)
So all that back story explains why I wasn’t supposed to be in Cedar City. But I was so excited for another week and so ready to go. However, as the week wore on, I truly started believing that I really wasn't supposed to be in Cedar City. That I should have just stayed home and ended my EFY counseling career in Kirtland. I felt that I wasn’t making a difference. That I wasn’t clicking with my girls. That some other counselor should have been offered and taken the contract because she would’ve been able to help these girls (and boys). That I shouldn’t have fought so hard for that week, by constantly reminding people that I wanted that week.
Needless it say, with those feelings going on… It was SUCH a hard week.
But the week wasn't all bad. I had 16-18 year-olds again and they were fun. Of course, just like every week, there were some problems here and there, but nothing terribly major. Most of the hard stuff going on was my personal stuff and feelings with me, not issues with the group. My co-counselors were great and our name was Everlasting Glory (taken from Revelations 14:6-7)
(Pictures!)
And there were lots of fun, funny, and spiritual things that happened. Plus, there were so many tender mercies that happened that I am SO grateful for because they showed me that the Lord truly is aware of me and looking out for me. Just a few of those tender mercies... a couple of my girls coming and dancing with me in the lobby when I was on dance duty during the second half of the Friday night dance and feeling super down (though I don't think they realized that). And the session directors (the Dixons) coming up with one word to describe each counselor and my word being "depth." Until that word was said after my name, I didn't realize how much I've been working towards exemplifying that word this summer. I really have been trying to deepen my testimony, as well as deepen my relationships with Christ and those around me this summer, and it was so amazing to have somebody recognize that. And then just to have some participants and other counselors say or do certain things that helped me to realize that maybe I did help to make a difference.
So... maybe... just maybe... I was supposed to be in Cedar City. And I am so grateful for that.
But I miss EFY already. Those six weeks were some of the craziest, hardest, and most emotional weeks of my life. However, somehow, they were also among the most fun, fulfilling, and growth-promoting, weeks of my life. Funny how that works. And just like I'd tell my kids each week, I don't want it to stop here. EFY shouldn't just be a fun memory or a neat week (or weeks, in my case). It should be a springboard to the rest of your life. I rose a little higher because of EFY and I want to continue that growth and not sink back down to where I was (not that I was in a bad place before... I'm just in a better place now). It won't be easy, but I know I can do it. And I WILL do it.
When I was hired to be a counselor for the summer, I was given (and accepted) five contracts. You’ve already heard about those weeks. But as I was working EFY and realized how much I loved it, I knew I wanted to work as many weeks as possible. I realized I was available to work the week of July 30, and that the team I worked with for the majority of the summer was working in Cedar City that week. I really wanted to work with them. That want became even greater when I realized that my sister was going to a participant that week at that session. It would be so fun to see her around. So I started telling all the BCs, coordinators, and the administrator that was I available to work Cedar 2. But it didn’t look likely, since they actually had more counselors than they needed. I had the opportunity to take other sessions that needed counselors that week, but I still held on to the hope that Cedar would become available, so I didn’t volunteer. I figured that if I didn’t get it, I still was able to have five amazing weeks as a counselor. A sixth would just be a cherry on top.
Then, while I was in Kirtland, I got an e-mail saying that I had an available contract for EFY. I checked the link and found out that it was for Cedar City 2. I was super excited and accepted it, telling all my girls how excited I was to work another week, especially the session my sister would be attending. I wasn’t quite sure how it happened, but I was grateful. (I found out later that some spots opened up and as the administrator was talking to the team about who they could offer it to, lots of people said my name. So she offered it to me and I accepted it.)
So all that back story explains why I wasn’t supposed to be in Cedar City. But I was so excited for another week and so ready to go. However, as the week wore on, I truly started believing that I really wasn't supposed to be in Cedar City. That I should have just stayed home and ended my EFY counseling career in Kirtland. I felt that I wasn’t making a difference. That I wasn’t clicking with my girls. That some other counselor should have been offered and taken the contract because she would’ve been able to help these girls (and boys). That I shouldn’t have fought so hard for that week, by constantly reminding people that I wanted that week.
Needless it say, with those feelings going on… It was SUCH a hard week.
But the week wasn't all bad. I had 16-18 year-olds again and they were fun. Of course, just like every week, there were some problems here and there, but nothing terribly major. Most of the hard stuff going on was my personal stuff and feelings with me, not issues with the group. My co-counselors were great and our name was Everlasting Glory (taken from Revelations 14:6-7)
And there were lots of fun, funny, and spiritual things that happened. Plus, there were so many tender mercies that happened that I am SO grateful for because they showed me that the Lord truly is aware of me and looking out for me. Just a few of those tender mercies... a couple of my girls coming and dancing with me in the lobby when I was on dance duty during the second half of the Friday night dance and feeling super down (though I don't think they realized that). And the session directors (the Dixons) coming up with one word to describe each counselor and my word being "depth." Until that word was said after my name, I didn't realize how much I've been working towards exemplifying that word this summer. I really have been trying to deepen my testimony, as well as deepen my relationships with Christ and those around me this summer, and it was so amazing to have somebody recognize that. And then just to have some participants and other counselors say or do certain things that helped me to realize that maybe I did help to make a difference.
So... maybe... just maybe... I was supposed to be in Cedar City. And I am so grateful for that.
But I miss EFY already. Those six weeks were some of the craziest, hardest, and most emotional weeks of my life. However, somehow, they were also among the most fun, fulfilling, and growth-promoting, weeks of my life. Funny how that works. And just like I'd tell my kids each week, I don't want it to stop here. EFY shouldn't just be a fun memory or a neat week (or weeks, in my case). It should be a springboard to the rest of your life. I rose a little higher because of EFY and I want to continue that growth and not sink back down to where I was (not that I was in a bad place before... I'm just in a better place now). It won't be easy, but I know I can do it. And I WILL do it.
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