Friend Zoned

I came home recently and my roommate told me that she had a surprise for me. She directed me to close my eyes and hold out my hands. I felt her place something in my hands, then she directed me to open my eyes. I looked down, and I was holding The Fine Art of Flirting. I laughed, because it's a joke in my apartment that I really have no idea how to flirt. It's kind of a problem. I automatically friend zone myself before I even realize what has happened. And once you're there... you can't really get out. (Or maybe that's just me.)

And yes... sometimes being friend zoned sucks. It's hard to hear a guy you like tell you about the girl that he likes and the dates he's going on. It's even harder to have a guy you like tell you about how he just kissed this girl he likes and now they're dating (true story... I definitely cried a bit on the phone as he told me that, but luckily, he couldn't tell). And as much as it sucks sometimes, I generally even actively put myself in the friend zone by asking guys I like about girls they're dating and encouraging them to pursue them. Why?

I've come to the realization that I'm much more comfortable being friend zoned that being anywhere near being in a relationship. I can talk to people all day about their relationship problems. I'm a therapist. It's what I do. I can be a listening ear to guys talking about how they're not sure if this girl or that girl likes them or I can give suggestions when they ask for dating ideas. But actually tell a guy that I'm interested? Never! That's making myself vulnerable. Why on earth would I do that? (If comfort and vulnerability seem to be a theme in this post, I apologize. I've been working on some blog posts about those subjects for a while, but I haven't published them yet since I'm still working out my thoughts about them... but they've been on my mind a lot).

I know this is an issue I need to get over. I need to figure this out and get in a relationship some day. And I'm trying to. I have a goal to go on a date every month this year. (I've already lost my motivation for that, though. Which is problematic.) But for now, I'm much more comfortable not really knowing how to flirt and instead simply being friend zoned and not really going on dates unless I ask (I'm in control that way). So thanks for the book, Sara. I'm sure it will provide a few laughs. But I'm not ready for it.