Sometimes Being a Therapist is Hard

Sometimes being a therapist is hard.

When I say that, most people think about how draining dealing with people's problems all day must be. And that is hard sometimes. But that's another post for another day.

This week, I've started to realize how hard therapy is in the fact that you have to all your own work done. In dealing with people's crap all today, you have to be very much aware of your own crap and how it's affecting you. My professors have told me this constantly since I started in the program. But I just didn't get it until this week. And that's not something I'm very good at, apparently.

I tend to avoid my own issues. I busy myself in taking care of others or by just zoning out by reading or watching TV, so I don't actually DEAL with the things going on in my life that are bothering me. This strategy works for a while. But then the issues resurface a million times stronger. This manifested itself yesterday in my group class, when I was called out by a fellow student in group, saying, "I miss you." I just wasn't there mentally or emotionally. I had checked out. Because that's how I tend to deal with things. I shut down.

It also manifested itself with when I was with a client today. I found myself constantly distracted by some stuff going on in my own life. I had to focus with all my energy to pull myself back to what she was saying. I feel like an awful therapist for that. I should've been able to be there for her. And I was... but not completely. Because my own issues were getting in the way.

I'm also a little worried for a session Monday. With some things going on in my life right now, there is serious potential for countertransference. But I hope to at least start to work through these issues over the weekend so I can be an effective therapist once again come Monday.

I definitely have some work to do.